Empathy and Advice Welcomed I feel like I deserve to die now

[PrincessMelancholy]

My partner of almost 7 years found out I cheated on him a year ago. I was flirting with a guy and sent him pictures. I am an undescribably horrible person. I let him down, I let myself down. It's the worst thing I've ever done. It's also unrepairable and unforgivable. So I feel like I deserve to die.

The talk about everything that happened didn't go well. I guess there's no way it could be good because of what we're talking about but I feel like I could have made it less bad. I tried really hard. But it was useless and so am I. This feels like the right thing to do.

I've spent all night looking up the best ways to do it. And what happens if it doesn't work out. Like the medical conditions, and what they're like. And reading many studies about the statics of it all. Crying while I do all of this, then feeling guilty for crying because I'm not the one who got hurt in this situation. But I still can't stop crying right now.

I hate what I've become. I don't want to be me. I feel like I don't recognize myself. I've turned into a monster but I have no one to blame but myself. These are my own actions and choices. I don't want to be a monster but there's no coming back. I did it.

 

[another world]

Hope you feel a bit better soon.

What you did happens all the time, especially with the internet nowadays. It's so easy for people to flirt etc. online. So try not to be too hard on yourself.

 

[may71]

My partner of almost 7 years found out I cheated on him a year ago. I was flirting with a guy and sent him pictures. I am an undescribably horrible person. I let him down, I let myself down. It's the worst thing I've ever done. It's also unrepairable and unforgivable. So I feel like I deserve to die.

You don't deserve to die for this. Your partner may be upset to a degree that he'll want to break up, or it may undermine trust in your relationship, but the death penalty is not called for. You are not undescribably horrible, unforgivable, or a monster.

As @another world pointed out, this is something very common. You also didn't even actually cheat with this guy, you just sent him some pics.

Members here have recommended some couples counseling phone apps. One is called "lasting" (based on the member's experience), and another is called "paired" (the recommendation was based on the member reading a review of the app but not actually using it). This, or actual in-person couples counseling might help you either work things out in the relationship, or help you to go separate ways as gracefully as possible.

You might want to make a safety plan in this forum: https://www.suicideforum.com/community/forums/i-dont-feel-safe.103/

I hope things can get better soon.

 

[buka]

My partner of almost 7 years found out I cheated on him a year ago. I was flirting with a guy and sent him pictures. I am an undescribably horrible person. I let him down, I let myself down. It's the worst thing I've ever done. It's also unrepairable and unforgivable. So I feel like I deserve to die.

The talk about everything that happened didn't go well. I guess there's no way it could be good because of what we're talking about but I feel like I could have made it less bad. I tried really hard. But it was useless and so am I. This feels like the right thing to do.

I've spent all night looking up the best ways to do it. And what happens if it doesn't work out. Like the medical conditions, and what they're like. And reading many studies about the statics of it all. Crying while I do all of this, then feeling guilty for crying because I'm not the one who got hurt in this situation. But I still can't stop crying right now.

I hate what I've become. I don't want to be me. I feel like I don't recognize myself. I've turned into a monster but I have no one to blame but myself. These are my own actions and choices. I don't want to be a monster but there's no coming back. I did it.

I agree with the comments above. Your actions don't deserve death. Even many crimes aren't punishable by death. For example, theft or car theft. These people may deserve prison time, but not death.

Cheating on your partner certainly fosters guilt. And in fact, I think you're a good, decent person because you're aware of your actions. There are people who cheat or do even worse things and feel no guilt or remorse. They don't care about other people's feelings.

Everyone makes mistakes. That's normal. Yes, mistakes happen that hurt other people. But you've talked to your partner. You're making an effort to sort this out. You're definitely not a bad person.

 

[valerazimov]

Heyy, you do not deserve death
people make mistakes
Sometimes a lot
you mistaken, BUT you actually feel guilt, and trying to get things better, you talked with your partner, and make amends, this good, you are not bad as you think, even if acted bad, but still you are not a monster
if you die, you'll hurt your partner even more, would you?

wish ya hope and better days

 

[Unenthusiastic]

I was flirting with a guy and sent him pictures.

Is that literally all you did?

 

[valerazimov]

Is that literally all you did?

peak mental help

 

[Unenthusiastic]

peak mental help

I'm sorry if you took that the wrong way; I have a tendency to come across the wrong way, being socially inept. My apologies.

In any case, It is my opinion that the OP is being too hard on herself.

 

[valerazimov]

nah, i mean it is actually a peak mental help

 

[PrincessMelancholy]

peak mental help

Whether you agree or disagree with my post I don’t think “peak mental health” is an appropriate response at all. This isn’t a joke. I’m a real person you’re responding to.