Empathy Only i feel like i need life to end or i need assistance

[Luthien Tinuviel]

i am wearing some dirty clothes mixed with clean. my room is floor to floor things on it.
i dont feel well and mentioned medical issues to chatters here.
my sister offers unwanted advice . that i cant concentrate because im on my phone. i said brain fog. theres a difference.
i dread making this post because i can barely write anymore
people online pick on me just because they make stuff up
i feel like my life needs to end or i need to be at a facility. for what? i dont really know. i run low grade fevers but my family just worries if im late.
im taking classes and its really too much for me but i do take them because i hope ill be okay one day but i really dont feel that hope.
do i even make sense? i dont think its mental. or maybe it turned mental.

they never ask me how im doing and i would like it if someone invests in me like asking what my appointments are and when. i dont drive so i depend on them. it hurts when you feel like a ghost.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry things are so bad.

Sending hugs

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

I'm sorry things are so bad.

Sending hugs

i live each day at a time which makes it hard to make plans and try to ignore people who seem judgemental.

 

[may71]

How are you now? I hope things can get better.

 

[LumberJack]

Hi Luth. I am late to this, but in my family of origin experience, the neglect actually hurt more than the physical abuse. I have since discussed this in therapy, and that’s totally expected. It’s in the bucket labeled, “you are having a healthy response to a f*cked up situation.”

I feel like that might be going on for you. Please be gentle with yourself. None of this is your fault. That’s of course a double edged sword, but it’s fact. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Nobody does. But some of us are simply unlucky. Things that violate the basic dignity of humanity happen all the time. For some it’s more than for others.

This is also fact. If a person goes through a string of serious of misfortunes rapidly, that can cause clinical depression for someone who didn’t have any mood disorders before.

I think it doesn’t have to break you. In my case, I stubbornly refused to let my illness/misfortune break me. In so doing, I found a well of inner strength that I previously didn’t know existed. You can get through this. Things change. Always, things are changing.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

i threw on a dress for work and it too is dirty but i dont remember it being this bad.
my mom was just being sarcastic with me and said worrying is making me sick but im not worried about having a condition. what i get stressed about is if people keep invalidating me. that feels super scary when someone has a different view of reality than you do.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

i dont even hate my mom saying this. it just feels like a betrayal.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

i ran a fever on saturday and yesterday. my niece had a fever from being outside a lot but im in no ones radar. im asked why i dont want to get out of bed . well this is hard on my body.

 

[Windhover]

what i get stressed about is if people keep invalidating me. that feels super scary when someone has a different view of reality than you do.

I understand this one all too well. Do you write in a journal? Defining how you view the world and yourself can help a bit. I hope that soon (or now) you have someone trustworthy to speak with, someone who listens and supports you. Feeling scared is a message from the naturally wise part of you. Sending good thoughts Luthien.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

I understand this one all too well. Do you write in a journal? Defining how you view the world and yourself can help a bit. I hope that soon (or now) you have someone trustworthy to speak with, someone who listens and supports you. Feeling scared is a message from the naturally wise part of you. Sending good thoughts Luthien.

i do journal and write.

i wish i knew i could trust a t herapist.
when my family talks to me about it it feels like its suggested to gaslight me and to use it for more stupid issues.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

things feel even worse
I told my sister I was planning a recital either for credit or just on my own if I don't feel I can make a deadline and She asked me if anyone would have to attend my recital in order for me to have one for school... I don't know what that even means. A friend told me she would get more out of me having a recital for my capstone before but for a while recitals weren't offered for a bit for me. So there's one. I feel depressed because that was kind of negative though. Of course I didn't really know her intentions . Maybe she meant I would have to have a certain amount of people but I don't think they would care. But still. When I received and email the requirements were already implied and that didn't include attendance of people.
I wanted to go to someone's recital but couldn't make it because I needed a ride. It wasn't against them or purposely unsupport anyone. I wouldn't take people not going personally.
The actual capstone I have done was a composition project so it wasn't really just research.
I feel drained if anyone seems negative and just get sucked Into shutting down. Its not that I'm quitting. Its just tiring.
I asked why she was adamant about me not doing anything and she said she doesn't want me hurt. This implies I have to get hurt like poor pathetic "luthien" won't be liked. If people aren't interested they should say so but don't ruin things for others . Life is short.

 

[LumberJack]

I asked why she was adamant about me not doing anything and she said she doesn't want me hurt. This implies I have to get hurt like poor pathetic "luthien" won't be liked. If people aren't interested they should say so but don't ruin things for others . Life is short.

Sounds like a passive aggressive way to keep you doubting yourself. Getting hurt is a part of life, and we can grow stronger from it. If we never challenge ourselves, we don’t grow.

Even more than that, the recital could go great. Nobody knows. Don’t let anyone keep you down; you need no one else’s approval than your own!

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

Sounds like a passive aggressive way to keep you doubting yourself. Getting hurt is a part of life, and we can grow stronger from it. If we never challenge ourselves, we don’t grow.

Even more than that, the recital could go great. Nobody knows. Don’t let anyone keep you down; you need no one else’s approval than your own!

if i were her, i would see a recital as doable and something to be accomplished even though nothing else might come to pass. nothing is guaranteed. you would think she could encourage that at least.
thank you for being supportive.
my head is hurting me.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

things feel even worse
I told my sister I was planning a recital either for credit or just on my own if I don't feel I can make a deadline and She asked me if anyone would have to attend my recital in order for me to have one for school... I don't know what that even means. A friend told me she would get more out of me having a recital for my capstone before but for a while recitals weren't offered for a bit for me. So there's one. I feel depressed because that was kind of negative though. Of course I didn't really know her intentions . Maybe she meant I would have to have a certain amount of people but I don't think they would care. But still. When I received and email the requirements were already implied and that didn't include attendance of people.
I wanted to go to someone's recital but couldn't make it because I needed a ride. It wasn't against them or purposely unsupport anyone. I wouldn't take people not going personally.
The actual capstone I have done was a composition project so it wasn't really just research.
I feel drained if anyone seems negative and just get sucked Into shutting down. Its not that I'm quitting. Its just tiring.
I asked why she was adamant about me not doing anything and she said she doesn't want me hurt. This implies I have to get hurt like poor pathetic "luthien" won't be liked. If people aren't interested they should say so but don't ruin things for others . Life is short.

my mom defended her that she thought she meant people have to attend for credit. i knew she would say that and thats kind of why i mentioned it in my post. i didnt really think my sister would think this way because she only took a few college courses. its spooky that i feel like i know how they would defend what they say. or am i wrong?

 

[LumberJack]

If you’re able to anticipate their reactions, then you are likely picking up on a pattern. Maybe they don’t realize that they are doing it, but it appears to be weighing on you. I understand from previous posts that you are not free at this time to get out on your own. I feel sad about that because it really seems like you’re not thriving there.

 

[Gard]

im asked why i dont want to get out of bed . well this is hard on my body.

I know what you mean, I'm in a similar situation. It's hard for me to get out of bed. And I have to force myself, and I can't. You have my sympathy.
When I had goals in life, everything seemed easy. But when the goals were destroyed, or began to seem unattainable - then everything is difficult. And there are no new goals, and the old ones have failed - a sad situation.

Don’t let anyone keep you down; you need no one else’s approval than your own!

So how do I start approving of myself on my own? When I do, other people call me overly arrogant, devalue me. Even if I explain my point of view. Maybe they don't want me to be better than them at something? It could be called intraspecies competition, as Charles Darwin would say.
That said, humans are social creatures. We cannot live fully without other people. So what's the solution?

 

[nicktheundoer]

i am wearing some dirty clothes mixed with clean. my room is floor to floor things on it.
i dont feel well and mentioned medical issues to chatters here.
my sister offers unwanted advice . that i cant concentrate because im on my phone. i said brain fog. theres a difference.
i dread making this post because i can barely write anymore
people online pick on me just because they make stuff up
i feel like my life needs to end or i need to be at a facility. for what? i dont really know. i run low grade fevers but my family just worries if im late.
im taking classes and its really too much for me but i do take them because i hope ill be okay one day but i really dont feel that hope.
do i even make sense? i dont think its mental. or maybe it turned mental.

they never ask me how im doing and i would like it if someone invests in me like asking what my appointments are and when. i dont drive so i depend on them. it hurts when you feel like a ghost.

I'm so sorry..i know how it feels. Deep hugs from my heart. You'll heal.

 

[LumberJack]

So how do I start approving of myself on my own? When I do, other people call me overly arrogant, devalue me. Even if I explain my point of view. Maybe they don't want me to be better than them at something? It could be called intraspecies competition, as Charles Darwin would say.
That said, humans are social creatures. We cannot live fully without other people. So what's the solution?

We may be defining the term, “approval” differently. I don’t mean it as permission so much as unconditional support.

By your mention that you are getting critical feedback from others and the need to explain your point of view in the context of competition, I wonder if you might be taking a different position.

Approval is not about judgement or competition, so much as it’s about confidence in the fact that we can try hard things. If only certain people are saying that they find your words and actions to be arrogance, then they are probably trying to control you by inducing your self-doubt.

If, by contrast, similar feedback is coming from multiple sources across different contexts (work/social/etc), then it may be worth attention. Frequently feedback is offered in a less than helpful way, but that can be converted into helpful feedback by investigating what behaviors of mine they are reacting to.

IDK, maybe I misunderstood your question, but hopefully this helps in some way.

 

[Gard]

We may be defining the term, “approval” differently. I don’t mean it as permission so much as unconditional support.

By your mention that you are getting critical feedback from others and the need to explain your point of view in the context of competition, I wonder if you might be taking a different position.

Approval is not about judgement or competition, so much as it’s about confidence in the fact that we can try hard things. If only certain people are saying that they find your words and actions to be arrogance, then they are probably trying to control you by inducing your self-doubt.

If, by contrast, similar feedback is coming from multiple sources across different contexts (work/social/etc), then it may be worth attention. Frequently feedback is offered in a less than helpful way, but that can be converted into helpful feedback by investigating what behaviors of mine they are reacting to.

IDK, maybe I misunderstood your question, but hopefully this helps in some way.

If this feedback comes from multiple sources, it can be very demotivating and destructive. That's when the bad thoughts about yourself start.
It's especially bad if the sources are people close to you. And they can really use it to control you. And that attitude from people close to them can influence attitudes from other people.
A little selfishness wouldn't hurt....
And a little approval doesn't hurt either. But if parents don't approve, it's bad, very bad. Then the whole world can fall apart. And that can affect approval from other sources.

 

[Luthien Tinuviel]

i have come a long way for not receiving great feedback from family. but things could have been better. it is not easy to begin your own life at an older age. but im not really that old. im told.