I feel like I'm sinking

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by ShoegazeDaydream, Jul 17, 2013.

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  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I've been feeling so tired lately. The backaches have been getting worse. There's just so reason for me to get up anymore.
    Been suffering for years from depression and things seem to get better for me but than depression keeps returning back into my life.
    Now I'm fearing that depression will continue to consume me. Is there ever a chance for me? Is there any hope at all?
    Been feeling so lately-worthless, like I don't matter to anyone. Sometimes I feel like a complete piece of trash.
    My whole life I've been told that I was worthless, that I was no good. At one point my own brother told me I embarrass the family.
    Pretty soon I forgot what it was like to talk, I even hated the own sound of my voice. I keep suffering and getting worse.

    But I feel like there's no point anymore. I don't even have any friends. And believe me I have tried.
    I put my heart out to people, always willing to talk to people, build up true friendships.
    Friendships that will always last. Friends are like family to me. Cause I don't know if I can even trust my own family anymore.
    They all talk horribly about me, that I can hear them in the next room. And they know I can hear them! :smash:
    Try to not let it bother me, but deep down it's painful. Their always back and forth with me, hot and cold. It's so confusing.
    Feel like I'm different or as if there's something wrong with me. I just want to be happy again. I hate this sadness.
    But there's so much pain that I feel inside right now. And it's been very hard for me to even get this out right now.

    I'm just looking for someone out there that can relate to me, or people who actually care.
    I trusted the wrong type of people, people who I thought who cared about me. But I was sooo wrong....
    I just hope there's someone out there who does care.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HI hun family can be so toxic at times I am sorry your family have hurt you so emotionally You do have worth hun we all have worth NEVER let anyone tell you differently Depression runs in cycles so i hope this bout you are having lessens soon. Are you seeing a therapist hun it helps i do it gives you someone to talk to that does care and does not judge
    You can always talk here hun no one judges you here I just wanted you to know i can relate hun freinds true friends are so hard to find hun i have some online friends only not in rl
    but they help me by talking to me when i am down. You can pm me anytime hun ok hugs
  3. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Thank you, that means a lot to me.

    I just recently starting talking to my ex boyfriend again and things are already starting out ugly.
    It's very hard for me to be open and honest with him-cause he makes me so nervous.

    Earlier on today he found out that I'm going to the movies with my mother- and he's worried that I'll get hit on.
    Feel like I can never do anything on my own, without him getting jealous or worrying constantly.
    Everything seemed okay in the beginning, but now everything is starting to get ugly.
    Now I feel ashamed at myself for letting him back in once again. Why do I continue to do this to myself? :sigh:
    Haven't spoken to a therapist yet, but I'm seeing one next week. And I'm getting very anxious.
    I want to leave him, but I always end up feeling guilty which makes me mad at myself even more.

    So many toxic things is happening to me and I feel so overwhelmed by it all.
    I would have posted this all up before, but I'm always worried what people will say, or how they will think of me.
    Constantly worrying about how I'll be judged. And I know this is a problem. I suffer from very low self esteem now.
    And I feel so horrible about myself. :( All I want is for this pain to go away....
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