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I feel so old.

Am I being bad?

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Am 23 in May. Stuck in the year 2013.

That was supposed to be the start if my new life.I am trying to finish off both my masters and accept the past.

I'm too old to repeat family holidays, find a lawyer, party, have an undergrad experience.

I actually dream of the university of Essex, my old modules, their night club, and a poor attempt at a bank of England internship.

They say I should count my blessings

They are
- I am muscular for many years. The later half of my secondary school I was a fat shit
-The flashbacks stopped.
-I have met Bill Gates via winning a competition.
-I have no student loans despite two masters, two online degrees.
- I helped Britain leave the EU, and may become an MP in 2020.

I also feel I should get the snip...should I?

In a way my real issue is that till almost age 22, my childhood haunted me.

No issues at home, or in other areas like extracurricular activities, online games, D of E, etc

Ages 9-13, then again 15-17, school f***ed me up.


~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
Ages 9-13, then again 15-17, school f***ed me up.
Hi there, were you bullied? why was it such a bad time for you? I really hope things improve. Life goes on, the clock is always ticking, at 23 you can still go on and study further. Well done for how far you have gotten so far. I wish I could say the same for myself. Wishing you the best and keep posting, we do care.
The issues that affected me include
-Sexual abuse from two un related different teaching assistants. I lost my virginity in year 5(fourth grade in America/Canada year 4 in aus, dunno where else)
They are both out of jail now. One got her sentence slashed, and one had been to jail when she was caught raping young boys before.
- bullying for about 4-5 of those years
-Peer pressure for 3 years, including bullying kids for two
- Being the kid with no friends for two
- pretending to be the popular kids, lying every millisecond about who i was/hobbies/past/EVERYTHING
- Seeing other kids carrying weapons everyday since age 9
-seeing kids rape other kids since year 9
- Lying to my family about me being happy @ school
- feeling bored with the lessons, then finding it too hard, because i lost interest re: boredom.
- Religious extremism in one school
- Seeing one of my only three super close friends go to juvie for trying to kill someone bullying me.
- Not being popular, or having many friends.
- being misdiagnosed with totally different MH issues.
I'm sorry to hear that. That's a heavy level of trauma.

Have you tried talking to a therapist about this?

You may want to be on medication for as long as you feel suicidal. The links in my signature also have some information about treatment that may be helpful.

Are you still in contact with your friends?

Is the friend who went to juvie out now?


Well-Known Member
Why would you want to get sterilised ? I'm 25 I have one degree and I'm now going to get another one. But I also have two children and they are amazing. Literally my biggest achievement is them nothing could top motherhood. Well done on everything you have accomplished as it sounds like you have one hell of a journey.

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