I have BPD and I always thought I was bipolar but it never was. If people ignore me or won't talk to me, I hate them almost immediately and feel as if they can't be trusted any longer. Than once they talk to me I no longer hate them anymore. However when people won't get back to me I cry and feel like I should just kill myself. I'm always constantly thinking people hate me or that people don't care about me.... and that I should just die. It gets very intense. Sometimes I cry so much that I have to lay in bed all day long cause I'm completely worn out by my emotions. At this point it's almost impossible for me to work cause it's really bad for me right now. I haven't told that many people and I don't want to tell a lot of people cause I don't wanna scare people away. When I'm in relationships I'm very clingy and tell them the most personal things about myself right off the bat. This needs to stop!! I need to stop opening up to people right off the bat. I've been in two abusive relationships cause of this. Right now I'm taking a break from having a relationship but I don't care if men tell me that they have a crush on me. I rather people like me at this point until I get a little bit better. Told them that they can like me and I'm flattered but I can't have a relationship at this point. I'm really into Art. Today I'm going to get my pastels out, I wish I had paint but I don't. I know one color should be black and the other to be white cause of black/white thinking but I don't think the white will show up. What other color should I use? Another thing I suffer with is PTSD and Low Self Esteem.