I genuinely just need someone

[444static]

I already called the hotline but I'm scared they will call the ambulance. I don't want my life to be over but this pain is genuinely so much. I might lose the one good thing in my life. My boyfriend hung up on me saying he can't be there for me this time and I have to figure it out myself.

I haven't been in so much pain in years. He keeps hurting me and I still want to be with him I still want it to work. I love him so much and now I'm getting pushed away and left alone. If he breaks up with me I genuinely don't think I will make it. I have no one to talk to, I have maybe 2 friends and they are busy with their own lives. I'm not close to my family except my grandparents and I can't stress them out with this.

I don't know what to do anymore. I wish there was someone out there for me. I don't want to be alone

 

[Anchorchain]

I'm hearing you, 444static and I'm glad you're here. Good on you for not wanting your life to be over, hang onto that thought.
The pain you're feeling now can be endured....get through this crisis....this isn't the time to be making any big decisions.
I'm not going to try and give you any feel-good platitudes, but I'm urging you to value your life and know that your journey
still has far to go. This dark zone you're in will pass........maybe not soon but you and your life will go on. Make it so.

 

[Windhover]

I hope you are safe. I am sorry to read what you said about him hurting you.

It is good to keep posting here, many of us understand. You deserve to feel better and to get help. Have you thought about going to grandparents so that you're not alone, but not teling them 'everything? I'm trying to think of ways for you to go forward a bit. Sending a message to your friends is not a bad idea. I'm glad you have a couple friends.

 

[444static]

I'm hearing you, 444static and I'm glad you're here. Good on you for not wanting your life to be over, hang onto that thought.
The pain you're feeling now can be endured....get through this crisis....this isn't the time to be making any big decisions.
I'm not going to try and give you any feel-good platitudes, but I'm urging you to value your life and know that your journey
still has far to go. This dark zone you're in will pass........maybe not soon but you and your life will go on. Make it so.

I am just really tired... I tried so many times to navigate through these situations. I just wanted to finally be with someone who loves me and treats me well.

I am just suffering so much right now, because I don't think I deserve so much hurt. I am just trying to make things work and talk through things and I get pushed away

 

[may71]

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

He keeps hurting me

Do you mean physically, emotionally, or both? It's ok if you don't want to say, but it might help us understand better.

My boyfriend hung up on me saying he can't be there for me this time and I have to figure it out myself

Maybe you would find it worthwhile to be in a relationship with him, but some people are just not good sources of emotional support. Maybe you could still be with him if the relationship is otherwise good, and find the support elsewhere.

I could try to give some advice if you'd like, but it would also be ok if you don't want that.

 

[Anchorchain]

It sounds like your boyfriend needs some space for himself.......let him have that space, don't give him cause to feel he's getting crowded but make it clear you're a couple and you want him.
He'll eagerly come looking for you when he's ready.

 

[capitalism]

It sounds like your boyfriend needs some space for himself.......let him have that space, don't give him cause to feel he's getting crowded but make it clear you're a couple and you want him.
He'll eagerly come looking for you when he's ready.

There's no way to know what he needs. When people need something they should say it, others shouldn't have to read their mind or suffer mistreatment

 

[444static]

Do you mean physically, emotionally, or both? It's ok if you don't want to say, but it might help us understand better.

Emotionally, but he often hurts me physically unintentionally I think he doesn't realise how much strength he actually has. And it hurts emotionally even more to see that he can't respect boundaries, if I tell him he is doing something that hurts me physically and doesn't stop because he doesn't think it's that serious :/

I want to be with someone that can also support me to a degree. I don't want him to be my entire support system and the one single person I can rely on. But in a lifetime partner, I don't know if I can handle being with someone that would leave me alone this way so easily, when I was in such a bad mental state. And I wouldn't be if he actually listened to what I tell him, if he worked on the things he does that hurt me. He thinks I am personally attacking him all the time when I just want understanding, love and respect .

 

[444static]

There's no way to know what he needs. When people need something they should say it, others shouldn't have to read their mind or suffer mistreatment

It is what he ended up telling me, it just hurts that it got to this point before he was honest and told me what he actually wanted. It's not the first time I get the worst end of it because he'd rather treat me unfairly than be honest and talk things out.

I'm just tired of being treated this way because I am just asking for basic respect... this whole situation could've been avoided and now I am just paralysed. I can't eat, sleep or study. I can only hope things end up fine

 

[imjustathinker]

I already called the hotline but I'm scared they will call the ambulance. I don't want my life to be over but this pain is genuinely so much. I might lose the one good thing in my life. My boyfriend hung up on me saying he can't be there for me this time and I have to figure it out myself.

I haven't been in so much pain in years. He keeps hurting me and I still want to be with him I still want it to work. I love him so much and now I'm getting pushed away and left alone. If he breaks up with me I genuinely don't think I will make it. I have no one to talk to, I have maybe 2 friends and they are busy with their own lives. I'm not close to my family except my grandparents and I can't stress them out with this.

I don't know what to do anymore. I wish there was someone out there for me. I don't want to be alone

I can talk to you if you need

 

[capitalism]

Emotionally, but he often hurts me physically unintentionally I think he doesn't realise how much strength he actually has. And it hurts emotionally even more to see that he can't respect boundaries, if I tell him he is doing something that hurts me physically and doesn't stop because he doesn't think it's that serious :/

I want to be with someone that can also support me to a degree. I don't want him to be my entire support system and the one single person I can rely on. But in a lifetime partner, I don't know if I can handle being with someone that would leave me alone this way so easily, when I was in such a bad mental state. And I wouldn't be if he actually listened to what I tell him, if he worked on the things he does that hurt me. He thinks I am personally attacking him all the time when I just want understanding, love and respect .

Not gonna say "dump him" just yet but it might be time to start thinking that it might be the best direction. Someone wanting to make it work just like you do and communicating clearly is the bare minimum in a relationship. Also he doesn't need to know how much strength he has, it should be enough for him to stop when you tell him to stop. It just sounds like you're the only one willing to do the work.

 

[may71]

he often hurts me physically unintentionally I think he doesn't realise how much strength he actually has. And it hurts emotionally even more to see that he can't respect boundaries, if I tell him he is doing something that hurts me physically and doesn't stop because he doesn't think it's that serious :/

He doesn't have a right to decide what is serious and what is not. He doesn't have a right to ignore you when you tell him to stop no matter what he thinks about it.

I think it's pretty clearly some level of domestic violence. You haven't asked for advice about this, so I won't offer any unless you'd like some advice.

Sending hugs if you would like hugs.

 

[444static]

Not gonna say "dump him" just yet but it might be time to start thinking that it might be the best direction. Someone wanting to make it work just like you do and communicating clearly is the bare minimum in a relationship. Also he doesn't need to know how much strength he has, it should be enough for him to stop when you tell him to stop. It just sounds like you're the only one willing to do the work.

We talked and we decided to stay together and try again... but I don't know :/ He says he is still not sure about his feelings and stuff. It hurts because we are back to having a good time, just like before but he is no longer saying he loves me. And it used to be every night before sleep. It hurts a lot and I can only hope he still loves me

 

[444static]

Sending hugs if you would like hugs.

I would. I am having a hard time now I feel very alone. My friends are upset about my decision to try to work things out and I am scared to talk to them. I can only hope things will turn out okay

 

[Justzaph]

You're not alone, even if it feels like it. You did the right thing by calling the hotline. You can also text or chat them if talking feels too much. Please stay safe tonight and keep that connection open — help is real and it works.

 

[capitalism]

We talked and we decided to stay together and try again... but I don't know :/ He says he is still not sure about his feelings and stuff. It hurts because we are back to having a good time, just like before but he is no longer saying he loves me. And it used to be every night before sleep. It hurts a lot and I can only hope he still loves me

It's a temporary reset. He realised you don't just accept his treatment and decided to act a little better just so he doesn't lose the comfort or convenience of having you but it'll come back to how it was eventually. When people genuinely want to try they don't need to be threatened with your leaving to start acting better, you can just see it in their actions every day.

It's not that I don't realise that it's very hard to let go of the idea that someone who treats you like this actually secretly loves you deep down. But eventually it has to happen. Maybe not today. But are you gonna be happy with your life if you stayed in this relationship until your senior years, giving your life to someone who can't even tell you that he loves you?

 

[nicktheundoer]

I already called the hotline but I'm scared they will call the ambulance. I don't want my life to be over but this pain is genuinely so much. I might lose the one good thing in my life. My boyfriend hung up on me saying he can't be there for me this time and I have to figure it out myself.

I haven't been in so much pain in years. He keeps hurting me and I still want to be with him I still want it to work. I love him so much and now I'm getting pushed away and left alone. If he breaks up with me I genuinely don't think I will make it. I have no one to talk to, I have maybe 2 friends and they are busy with their own lives. I'm not close to my family except my grandparents and I can't stress them out with this.

I don't know what to do anymore. I wish there was someone out there for me. I don't want to be alone

Hey friend. I'm so sorry that..don't worry..you will find someone. I wish for your happiness. Whoever you might be with, may you be happy.🫂🫂

 

[444static]

It's not that I don't realise that it's very hard to let go of the idea that someone who treats you like this actually secretly loves you deep down. But eventually it has to happen. Maybe not today. But are you gonna be happy with your life if you stayed in this relationship until your senior years, giving your life to someone who can't even tell you that he loves you?

He's always been very loving and caring, and he's the first person to make me feel like I am deserving of love. He used to say he loves me all the time even more than me. I guess the big arguments started to get to him more and more to the point it was too much. I don't know... it's just been rocky the past few months. I think the fact he hasn't just flat out broken up with me means there's still something there, so now I'm just hoping he will say it again, at some point :/

 

[444static]

Hey friend. I'm so sorry that..don't worry..you will find someone. I wish for your happiness. Whoever you might be with, may you be happy.🫂🫂

Thank you ❤️‍🩹

 

[capitalism]

He's always been very loving and caring, and he's the first person to make me feel like I am deserving of love. He used to say he loves me all the time even more than me. I guess the big arguments started to get to him more and more to the point it was too much. I don't know... it's just been rocky the past few months. I think the fact he hasn't just flat out broken up with me means there's still something there, so now I'm just hoping he will say it again, at some point :/

It's not that hard to act loving and caring at the start of a relationship because you're high on hormones and your differences did not get in the way yet. Real love and care is the ability to survive arguments without becoming resentful, for one.
I mean imagine that you're him. Imagine that you start mistreating someone without even telling them what's wrong and how they can improve and what you need from them, imagine hurting someone even when they ask you not to. Can you act like this towards someone you want the best for?
Not breaking up likewise doesn't mean love, it might mean he just likes that you shower him with love while he does nothing. Or just inertia, or just convenience.