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I hate being happy

#1
I have severe social anxiety. If I could help it, I would never leave my room. Somewhat recently, my psychiatrist finally managed to track my symptoms and diagnose me, and I was put on a medication. It worked. I finally starting talking to people, do things I never would have. I started using voice chat in online games- something I never would have done otherwise. And I made my first friend. I was happy and I finally starting feeling normal. But I feel like since I've started being myself, people have been more welcoming and friendly than ever before, and also colder and more annoyed towards me than ever before. I think the reason is because of who I am. I'm overall annoying, I'm way too smug about the garbage I call "art", I'm too loud and excitable, always in the way, etc. I make everyone around me uncomfortable. They say it's not wrong to be me, but I feel if "me" makes everyone upset, then it is wrong. I shouldn't be happy. I'm supposed to be quiet and introverted, because that's what makes everyone around me comfortable. I'd rather be lonely than hated. I genuinely feel like both me and everyone around me would be happier if I was gone. To be honest I hate myself for writing this. I'm just some stupid attention seeker who doesn't deserve the time of day. But I just needed to get this out I guess.
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
SF Supporter
#2
Welcome to SF!
Thank you for sharing on here.
Sounds really difficult. To finally overcome your social anxiety, just to be anxious in a whole new arena. Though is this not anxiety too?
It's not attention seeking to share, to want others to understand, it's human, and really brave and courageous to reach out.
Keep coming back here.
Innocent.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
I have severe social anxiety. If I could help it, I would never leave my room. Somewhat recently, my psychiatrist finally managed to track my symptoms and diagnose me, and I was put on a medication. It worked. I finally starting talking to people, do things I never would have. I started using voice chat in online games- something I never would have done otherwise. And I made my first friend. I was happy and I finally starting feeling normal. But I feel like since I've started being myself, people have been more welcoming and friendly than ever before, and also colder and more annoyed towards me than ever before. I think the reason is because of who I am. I'm overall annoying, I'm way too smug about the garbage I call "art", I'm too loud and excitable, always in the way, etc. I make everyone around me uncomfortable. They say it's not wrong to be me, but I feel if "me" makes everyone upset, then it is wrong. I shouldn't be happy. I'm supposed to be quiet and introverted, because that's what makes everyone around me comfortable. I'd rather be lonely than hated. I genuinely feel like both me and everyone around me would be happier if I was gone. To be honest I hate myself for writing this. I'm just some stupid attention seeker who doesn't deserve the time of day. But I just needed to get this out I guess.
Hi there and welcome to SF @Almighty Jello Attention does not always have to mean bad attention, someone with depression and anxiety and other mental issues do in fact need attention to overcome the obstacles in our way. You are who you are, stay being who you are and want to be. People will judge yes, but if they are meaningful people and like you for you then that is all that counts. You deserve all the happiness the world has to offer. I am an introvert but I do believe that word is used too loosely. Just be yourself and the people who like you for you can stay in your life and the people who judge you can bugger off. Please come back and talk to us some more, how old are you?
 
#5
Hi there. It's great to hear you got your social anxiety under control, it's a difficult thing to do. I understand why do you feel the way you do. But everyone has a right to be who they are. Some people have personalities that vlend in easier and some have love it or hate it personalities. I know how difficult it is at the beginning to be yourself, but it gets easier over time. There's nothing wrong with being loud and being proud of art that isn't to everyones liking and having your own opinions.,I feel that kind of persons are more interesting. You shouldn't feel guilty for being yourself, be brave and try not to think what others think about you. Like you said, people have been welcoming and friendlier than before. So focus on those people and the positive things. World wouldn't be a better place without you, so fight and don't give up, you will make through this like the problems before this. And there are friendly and amazing people on this forum, who will accept you as you are:)
 

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