I hate how I often lie to others IRL about how bad my depression/suicidal thought really is for fear of how I'll be judged if I tell them the truth, but I feel it's the only way. When I can't go into work or have to cancel a social situation because I'm not doing well, I make up a believable lie to get out of it, both to protect them from the horrible truth and protect myself from any backlash or shame.
Especially when I socialize with those IRL that have no experience dealing with severe depression, suicide, or mental health issues in general they can scare easily and panic or judge me negatively which has happened in the past. Once they know, it's like they treat you as if you have a contagious disease and it's my fault.
This only happens with mental health issues and those who are unaware of what it's like, probably because they've never experienced feeling that way before. If you have cancer, or some visible disease, or in almost any other common situation in life you could just be truthful about what's going on without being shunned or negatively judged by others. This causes several negative things; It causes me to feel guilt for lying. It causes me to feel like an outcast, like I'm living in two worlds, theirs and mine, and there's a different set of rules and behavior for both. And it causes me to resent them, like how can you not know what depression/suicidal thought is like when I've been dealing with it most of my life? In 2026 there shouldn't be a stigma or a mystery about it anymore with all the examples and information around us I feel.
I value honesty a lot, and it's frustrating having to lie to survive or avoid some negative thing. The amount of how much I lie has to do with whom I'm talking with, the situation, and the consequences for telling the truth. They say, 'honesty will set you free'. Not always in this world.
Especially when I socialize with those IRL that have no experience dealing with severe depression, suicide, or mental health issues in general they can scare easily and panic or judge me negatively which has happened in the past. Once they know, it's like they treat you as if you have a contagious disease and it's my fault.
This only happens with mental health issues and those who are unaware of what it's like, probably because they've never experienced feeling that way before. If you have cancer, or some visible disease, or in almost any other common situation in life you could just be truthful about what's going on without being shunned or negatively judged by others. This causes several negative things; It causes me to feel guilt for lying. It causes me to feel like an outcast, like I'm living in two worlds, theirs and mine, and there's a different set of rules and behavior for both. And it causes me to resent them, like how can you not know what depression/suicidal thought is like when I've been dealing with it most of my life? In 2026 there shouldn't be a stigma or a mystery about it anymore with all the examples and information around us I feel.
I value honesty a lot, and it's frustrating having to lie to survive or avoid some negative thing. The amount of how much I lie has to do with whom I'm talking with, the situation, and the consequences for telling the truth. They say, 'honesty will set you free'. Not always in this world.
