I hate life

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Danialla, Jun 13, 2014.

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  1. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I have written this post a hundred times........I hate life. I don't have anything specific to hate, I just hate living. I am probably like a million other depressed people and do a great job of masking my depression, but i'm so tired. I throw myself into work that I love, but it is a job where I always have to be UP! My head is so crowded with thoughts of death. I know it is the only way out. I have the means, I just don't want to leave my children with that violent of a lasting legacy. If I could make it look like an accident I would be home free. I love my family. My Dr. and therapist are so nice and so are the people I work with, but i feel so trapped. I feel like I am suffocating. My head aches from all my thoughts. I just have to plan an accident.....oh God I hate life.

    Thank you for listening.....
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Danialla - would you mind if I asked you an empowering question ? - if you think of your head and your internal personality as a diamond - how many of the facets, would you say, are pleased about hating life, and how many are not pleased about the fact that you hate life?

    It might sound weird I know - but the truth is, most human beings have a lighter side and a darker side co-existing - and it helps us to become self-aware to do a bit of this kind of analysis :)

    Once you've arrived at an accurate assessment of these percents, then more empowering questions can be asked. Sometimes it helps for a complete stranger to throw you a curve ball to bring something new to the equation.
     
  3. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I guess I am not sure what you mean........I just finished a course of ECT today and I am still thinking slowly:-(. Anyway, I know that I am not pleased with the way I think, I actually hate it. If my life were facets of a diamond they would all be cloudy. My life is colored by the way I perceive it. I am afraid of it, and so very tired. I Know that I mean a lot to other people, but I don't care. I know that I am selfish, but I can't stress enough how tired I am...I don't want to be empowered, I want to be dead. I am so sorry, I don't mean to sounds so abrupt. I need someone to put me down, like you would do to a sick animal. I think I just hate myself so much!!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2014
  4. islandification

    islandification Well-Known Member

    I think to keep on going the way you are and feeling the way you do means you're a really strong person who has a lot to handle. Nobody can be strong all the time so I hope the help you're getting works for you and life will get better.
     
  5. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Best wishes to you. You deserve the best in life, no matter what happens.

    `:butterfly3:
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2014
  6. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Danialla, I get it and I'm really sorry things feel so trapped for you.

    I know that going down that road can seem like the only possible relief.

    I appreciate you being honest about it all... especially about the kids.

    Still, my hope is that you don't take that way out, and that you keep posting and seeking help.
     
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK, that was a helpful reply about the cloudiness of your diamond, and that you're not pleased with the way you think. It is possible to receive new insights that can help the way we think - I know I needed them, I just didn't know where to find them, but that was "back then".....[I had ECT myself "back then" btw - it certainly did help :)]

    I want to assure you that there is help for this, but the main thing at the moment is the tiredness, probably weariness about having to live. It's good that you know that you mean a lot to others, I'm wondering if they could arrange for you to take some time out to rest up a bit and recuperate and get some strength back? Perhaps with some sleeping meds ..... if you feel physically in good shape it helps with the healing of the thinking. There's tons I feel I might be able to help you with here - :)
     
  8. someone0629

    someone0629 Member

    Hi Danialla!
    I totally agree with you. I hate my life too. I don't have anyone to live for but you have your kids. You see, my mom used to pour out her anger with life, yelling she wants to die, when I was a kid. Now am older I want to die too. Remember you have your family around you who cares for, I don't. I don't know if it will help you, but maybe you could read my story. Maybe it could help you. My thread is, What will I do with the rest of my life?
     
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