I have no strenghth left

[amylou]

I don't have any strenghth left now I've tried to battle with the niggling voice telling me to choose suicide. I've tried many times before with suicide some were close and others weren't but I don't have any strenghth left now to stay and fight this. If I did I'd only be fighting in vain becuase I'll only be delying the inetavable. Death will have me soon and to that I don't care I only want to leave this shit behind I can't fight it any more.
My chosen way is suicide.
When I am given a set of wings I hope that I'll fly to a better place than the one I'm in.

 

[gentlelady]

You have more strength inside you than you know. Yes death is unevitable for all of us, but suicide is not always the best option. I know you have fought long and hard. Why waste everything you have fought for up to this point. Now is not the time to give up. Keep trying. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You never know what tomorrow may bring. :hug:

 

[amylou]

Tommorrow just brings more pain and grief

 

[gentlelady]

Sometimes it does, you are right. but there will come the day when it doesn't. I know how hard it is to try and wait for that time or day to come. It seems as if it is an impossible thing, but it really isn't. I do know that if all we look for is the bad, then that is all we will find. Start trying to find a good thing about everyday. It may be something as simple as the smell of your shampoo, the fact you have running water, somewhere to sleep at night, food on the table. Things you can be thankful for. You will be surprised at how many things there really are. Please try hun. :hug:

 

[amylou]

I'll try but I've been trying for ages now

 

[gentlelady]

Thank you for continuing to try. Just as a child tries to walk and fails time after time, they persevere until they are finally able to conquer. Yes the time is much shorter, but not when it is compared to the length of time they have been alive. We spen a lifetime learning to speak and improving our language skills. If only we could have that same determination when trying to survive depressive thoughts. Please continue to fight the fight and stay safe. :hug:

 

[amylou]

I will

 

[gentlelady]

Thank you sweetie. :hug:

 

[Lead Savior]

I experienced on my own what gentlelady suggested, finding small fragments of your life that you enjoy. I let the green of the leaves outside my window and the cool breeze through my hair drown in my depression. Because of this I forgot to even look for those fragments as I went through my days and I lost them for a long period of time.

It took focus and constant reminding before those little things became apparent again. Even nowadays I sometimes still lose them, but when I do find them they are small nudges that keep me going.