I have these problems I never told anyone before..

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Joshy, Dec 30, 2012.

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  1. Joshy

    Joshy Well-Known Member

    I never told anyone about this before, so maybe that's why when I was in school teachers and other kids thought I might have been stupid.

    Whenever there was homework or a test.
    The paper has a bunch of blank lines where you write your answers on.
    And little circles to fill in also sometimes.

    Well my problem is 100% serious. And I guess I just ignored telling anyone.

    I can't leave a blank line or fill in a random/fake answer.
    I'll be filling out the answers from the top to bottom. And when I finally reach one I can't answer...

    I literally freeze up. Stare at it with big wide eyes.
    And start screaming at myself telling myself I'm f**king stupid because I can't be like other people and just skip it or fill in a random answer. I clench my teeth. And just wait for the time to end so I can miserably have the teacher scold me about leaving it blank or unfinished, while I sat there mute and didn't talk. Letting the sound waves from their mouths just hit me and bounce. Unresponsive.

    So I sort of accepted myself of always getting D's and C's.
    But now I realized I can't even fill out a job application, or almost anything else. I can't skip a line unless I 100% am not suppose to answer anything on that line.

    And I never had any strict parents like the ones who scold you to always get an A.
    They really didn't mind all too much, but sure they told me to try harder.

    And that teeth clenching has still stayed with me still. I clench even harder sometimes. My molars are cracking off little decayed bits, and they make me despise my physical appearance even more. I mean come on.. I have ugly cookie colored tanish yellow skin. No one likes that color. They like Oreo's and Milk, no one really likes Chips Ahoy as much. (I'm ranting now. Please move this to the rant section.)

    Hell I don't even talk to anyone in person really except my best friend and my girlfriend.
    I can't be all talky and stuff with people. I just stay mute, and occasionally do very silly things to express myself. Actually come to think of it I don't even do normal things.
    Like sitting on the ground in a public place, saying the word "mreow" a lot even though I'm allergic to cats and I don't really like cats all too much. Especially ironic since I'm year of the dog, and I resemble more of a dog apparently.

    I sleep a lot.
    I hate numbers that can't be divided in 2. I love the numbers 2, 4, 8, 10, 12, 16, and so on.
    I really hate wet, sticky, or dirty hands. I also really really despise sloppy foods or foods with a soft liquidy consistency like grapes and canned foods. I never touch them.
    Even just cleaning the inside of a pumpkin severely disgusts me. (I dis that this Halloween and I only got about 1/3rd done and asked my girlfriend to do the rest for me. But I still carved the face!)

    I'll continue this later maybe. Shower time! I smell like bed.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I can see how that could make things very difficult. If you have never talked to anybody about it then support from a specialist to teaching coping mechanisms could be very beneficial to you - certainly worth a consideration.
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