I haven't recovered after 5 years

[Ashmash]

The sexual abuse I endured ended 5 years ago yet it still feels like an open wound. I think everything's going fine and then the memories and that same horrible unease and discomfort I had at the time returns. I have a psychologist who I've been seeing for a few months (This time it's privately funded so I don't have to keep changing psychologist) and before that I had psychiatrists, counselors, psychoanalysts, and social workers to try and help me. I'm just so tired of being a victim. People talk about moving on and accepting what happened but I've tried that and it doesn't seem to work. I feel like the person I was died the day I got raped and this sad, mentally ill girl has taken her place. I grieve the loss of the person I was. I'm just so tired of it. I didn't ask for any of it and I'm stuck trying to navigate the world while simultaneously reliving the worst period of my life. All I want is one day without mental illness. No anxiety, no overthinking how men treat me, no suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately I can't change the past so I'm just stuck with it.

I've been thinking about going to a support group for sexual abuse survivors. I've never done group therapy before. Does anyone have any experience with this?

 

[Jeremiah Dixon]

Hi, I'm sorry to read about your story.
I'm not a victim myself, but my girlfriend has experienced the same. I'm pretty sure that the experiences may differ from person to person and that it's always better to listen to what you think you may need, however I'd suggest you to attend private therapy before starting to attend a group, especially if it's the first time that you have been doing extended and continuative sessions, I think that they will bring up things that may be very uncomfortable to lay bare in front of other people for a bit, after you feel confident enough I think that it'd be a very helpful mean not only to connect with others but to see different approaches and ways of healing from the trauma

 

[A_J_R]

The sexual abuse I endured ended 5 years ago yet it still feels like an open wound. I think everything's going fine and then the memories and that same horrible unease and discomfort I had at the time returns. I have a psychologist who I've been seeing for a few months (This time it's privately funded so I don't have to keep changing psychologist) and before that I had psychiatrists, counselors, psychoanalysts, and social workers to try and help me. I'm just so tired of being a victim. People talk about moving on and accepting what happened but I've tried that and it doesn't seem to work. I feel like the person I was died the day I got raped and this sad, mentally ill girl has taken her place. I grieve the loss of the person I was. I'm just so tired of it. I didn't ask for any of it and I'm stuck trying to navigate the world while simultaneously reliving the worst period of my life. All I want is one day without mental illness. No anxiety, no overthinking how men treat me, no suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately I can't change the past so I'm just stuck with it.

I've been thinking about going to a support group for sexual abuse survivors. I've never done group therapy before. Does anyone have any experience with this?

My parents died three months apart, followed by two more relatives I was close to. So, it was a different scenario, but my therapist suggested I do group and I LOVED IT. It was so comforting to be near people who understood what I was going through. The group I was in was specific to people who'd lost a parent, so having it be that niche was pretty helpful. I stayed friendly with two women I met there. For a time, when we were very close, it was a nice support system.

Group isn't for everyone, but you can try a session or two to see how you feel. No one will take it personally if you end up not wanting to go further.

Also, five years is not a long time when dealing with such an intense trauma. It's OK if you're not at the acceptance stage yet. Don't force it. But do realize you didn't deserve it, and take care.