Hello everyone, today I bring a slightly different story.
I hope you can give me some advice.
Caution: Long text.
I have a friend I've known since high school. We've been friends for almost nine years, but because of the distance and our busy lives, we don't see each other as often anymore. Over all these years, I feel like we've had conflicts we haven't talked about. She's made a lot of comments that have hurt me or confused me. Over these years, I've wondered if we're still really connecting and if it's appropriate for us to continue this friendship. She's autistic, and I understand that because of this, her way of saying things is sometimes more direct, and obviously, she has different perspectives. It turns out that a very famous band we both like is coming to my country, but tickets are in high demand, and the mafia of scalpers is rampant here, making the whole process of buying concert tickets complicated. My friend and I made an agreement to keep each other in mind if either of us managed to get tickets because she was going to try with her cousins, and I was going to try with my sister and a friend of hers. But we only had access to four tickets per person. So, I was counting my sister's ticket, her friend's ticket, and mine; there was one ticket left over that was meant for my friend, but I don't know when things got complicated. Keep in mind that my sister is going to cover the cost of this ticket because the event is in my birthday month, and she wanted to give it to me as a gift. But I felt too much pressure because my friend also wanted tickets for her cousins, and I didn't want to have problems with my sister. Honestly, I don't know if she would have been upset now that I think about it, but my sister is someone who scares me, and it's a complicated relationship. So, I didn't want to have problems with either my sister or my friend, and I lied, and everything got complicated. In the end, I ended up getting tickets, and my friend didn't. You might be wondering what happened to the extra ticket. Well, it turned out that my sister's friend also wanted to bring her daughter, and it was all this pressure that made me unable to choose. I couldn't make room for my friend, and I gave the ticket to this girl, who is my sister's friend's daughter, and that's when all the chaos started.
Obviously, my friend got angry because I lied to her and didn't consider her, and I feel terrible because at no point did I intend to hurt her or cause her any harm. But I couldn't back down from that situation, and now that I think about it, I was so stupid for not setting that boundary and giving my friend her place, even though my sister was upset. It all feels so awful now because, obviously, our relationship is broken. She still hasn't managed to get a ticket, and I'm not happy about being able to go see this band I love. It's like everything is tainted. And my friend is always dropping indirect messages on social media, which has happened before, and it's one of the things that really bothered me. But I had never talked to her about it, and she would always indirect messages, like saying she doesn't have a friend and that if she did, she would have gotten a ticket, and that she felt really sad about not being able to go to the concert and that she was just living like a robot. That made me feel so much worse because I know I made a mistake, and my therapist is obviously on my side, and I don't know if that's the right thing to do or if it's just her job, but she tells me that I I didn't do it with the intention of hurting her, so I'm not a bad person. And when I told her about these comments my friend makes she said it weren't right, and my friend kept telling me I had to think about how I was going to fix things, what I was proposing, because I asked her what I could do to make her feel better, to really ask her to forgive me, that it was never my intention to hurt her, and that what happened was out of fear, because I didn't want to have problems with her or my sister, and that I was so sorry. And she just took the attitude of blaming me, which is exactly what my therapist said was wrong. And in general, some people around me take my side, but I don't think it's fair because I'm sure that, from my friend's perspective, her therapist said that a true friend wouldn't have hurt her like that and would have taken it into account. And I don't know, I feel like, obviously, from her perspective, I'm the villain, and I understand that. I mean, there are days when I can deal with the situation a little better, but there are also days like today when I feel really bad about hurting her, and it all starts spiraling out of control, and I think that's exactly why I don't have any friends and why I'm alone. And that's why it's difficult for me to relate to others, and I think about what I lost with this person, and I don't know, I don't know who's right. I know I made a mistake, but I never did it with the intention of hurting her. Even though my friend and I have a complicated relationship, I would never, ever, ever want to hurt her or make her very sad. I've already tried a few ways to get a ticket, but it's very complicated. I also talked to my sister about whether I could give her her ticket because even though my sister liked this band, she's not a huge fan, but my sister said no, and well, I understand, it's my sister's money.
And I don't know what to do anymore because my friend keeps dropping hints that I don't know if they're for me or for her romantic relationships, because they're probably aimed directly at them too, even though they don't see them. She recently posted one about telling two people what happened, I mean, she just wrote, "I told two people what happened and they told me that I should blocked you." I don't know if I'm really stupid or just too nice” and I don't know if she's referring to me. It ruined my Sunday and my Monday. I'm already going through a tough time, well, those who have seen my posts have seen it. Even though I'm in therapy and on medication, things aren't going the way I want. I have relapses, and lately I've felt really suffocated between being at home, not knowing what I want to do, school, work, the fact that I'm a failure, everything is complicated, and adding this situation on top of that obviously affects me a lot. And yesterday I really wanted to confront this friend and say, "Yes, I know I made a mistake, I'm really sorry, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for this, and no, you don't need to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it, and if I were in your place, I'd feel terrible too. I see you're throwing shade, but I don't really know if it's meant for me. It's fine if you want to block me or never talk to me again; I'll understand” But I don't know what's best. I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I should keep wallowing in this hole of guilt and regret. I don't know if I can fix this somehow, and even though I didn't want to lose the friendship, now I'm not so sure because I feel like this situation will always be a huge stain on our relationship. I feel like my friend is resentful, and so am I, and this mistake will always be there, a reminder that I failed her and didn't consider her. I feel like a relationship like this can't continue, even though I love her very much, we've been through so much together, and I miss her. I miss talking to her, but I also remember, for example, that I stopped telling her all those sad things I post here because she didn't understand, even though she is going through something similar. I feel like she invalidated my feelings, and even though she offered me help, but it was in ways that didn't really help me, and it was never personal. I was never upset that she couldn't support me; in the end, she did what she could. But at one point, she told me she didn't know how to help me anymore, and that was very hard for me. That obviously broke the relationship, but I don't think things can ever be the same. I truly regret it so much, and I wish I could go back in time, or that this band had never come to my country. I don't know, it's very complicated. Sometimes I can't deal with the pain, with the fact that I hurt someone I care about. What would you do in my place? I don't know if this makes me a terrible person, and it really bothers me because I know I'm not the nicest person in the world, But I've tried not to hurt people during my time in this life, and this makes me wonder who I really am, if I'm a good friend, or if I should die for being scum.
I hope you can give me some advice.
Caution: Long text.
I have a friend I've known since high school. We've been friends for almost nine years, but because of the distance and our busy lives, we don't see each other as often anymore. Over all these years, I feel like we've had conflicts we haven't talked about. She's made a lot of comments that have hurt me or confused me. Over these years, I've wondered if we're still really connecting and if it's appropriate for us to continue this friendship. She's autistic, and I understand that because of this, her way of saying things is sometimes more direct, and obviously, she has different perspectives. It turns out that a very famous band we both like is coming to my country, but tickets are in high demand, and the mafia of scalpers is rampant here, making the whole process of buying concert tickets complicated. My friend and I made an agreement to keep each other in mind if either of us managed to get tickets because she was going to try with her cousins, and I was going to try with my sister and a friend of hers. But we only had access to four tickets per person. So, I was counting my sister's ticket, her friend's ticket, and mine; there was one ticket left over that was meant for my friend, but I don't know when things got complicated. Keep in mind that my sister is going to cover the cost of this ticket because the event is in my birthday month, and she wanted to give it to me as a gift. But I felt too much pressure because my friend also wanted tickets for her cousins, and I didn't want to have problems with my sister. Honestly, I don't know if she would have been upset now that I think about it, but my sister is someone who scares me, and it's a complicated relationship. So, I didn't want to have problems with either my sister or my friend, and I lied, and everything got complicated. In the end, I ended up getting tickets, and my friend didn't. You might be wondering what happened to the extra ticket. Well, it turned out that my sister's friend also wanted to bring her daughter, and it was all this pressure that made me unable to choose. I couldn't make room for my friend, and I gave the ticket to this girl, who is my sister's friend's daughter, and that's when all the chaos started.
Obviously, my friend got angry because I lied to her and didn't consider her, and I feel terrible because at no point did I intend to hurt her or cause her any harm. But I couldn't back down from that situation, and now that I think about it, I was so stupid for not setting that boundary and giving my friend her place, even though my sister was upset. It all feels so awful now because, obviously, our relationship is broken. She still hasn't managed to get a ticket, and I'm not happy about being able to go see this band I love. It's like everything is tainted. And my friend is always dropping indirect messages on social media, which has happened before, and it's one of the things that really bothered me. But I had never talked to her about it, and she would always indirect messages, like saying she doesn't have a friend and that if she did, she would have gotten a ticket, and that she felt really sad about not being able to go to the concert and that she was just living like a robot. That made me feel so much worse because I know I made a mistake, and my therapist is obviously on my side, and I don't know if that's the right thing to do or if it's just her job, but she tells me that I I didn't do it with the intention of hurting her, so I'm not a bad person. And when I told her about these comments my friend makes she said it weren't right, and my friend kept telling me I had to think about how I was going to fix things, what I was proposing, because I asked her what I could do to make her feel better, to really ask her to forgive me, that it was never my intention to hurt her, and that what happened was out of fear, because I didn't want to have problems with her or my sister, and that I was so sorry. And she just took the attitude of blaming me, which is exactly what my therapist said was wrong. And in general, some people around me take my side, but I don't think it's fair because I'm sure that, from my friend's perspective, her therapist said that a true friend wouldn't have hurt her like that and would have taken it into account. And I don't know, I feel like, obviously, from her perspective, I'm the villain, and I understand that. I mean, there are days when I can deal with the situation a little better, but there are also days like today when I feel really bad about hurting her, and it all starts spiraling out of control, and I think that's exactly why I don't have any friends and why I'm alone. And that's why it's difficult for me to relate to others, and I think about what I lost with this person, and I don't know, I don't know who's right. I know I made a mistake, but I never did it with the intention of hurting her. Even though my friend and I have a complicated relationship, I would never, ever, ever want to hurt her or make her very sad. I've already tried a few ways to get a ticket, but it's very complicated. I also talked to my sister about whether I could give her her ticket because even though my sister liked this band, she's not a huge fan, but my sister said no, and well, I understand, it's my sister's money.
And I don't know what to do anymore because my friend keeps dropping hints that I don't know if they're for me or for her romantic relationships, because they're probably aimed directly at them too, even though they don't see them. She recently posted one about telling two people what happened, I mean, she just wrote, "I told two people what happened and they told me that I should blocked you." I don't know if I'm really stupid or just too nice” and I don't know if she's referring to me. It ruined my Sunday and my Monday. I'm already going through a tough time, well, those who have seen my posts have seen it. Even though I'm in therapy and on medication, things aren't going the way I want. I have relapses, and lately I've felt really suffocated between being at home, not knowing what I want to do, school, work, the fact that I'm a failure, everything is complicated, and adding this situation on top of that obviously affects me a lot. And yesterday I really wanted to confront this friend and say, "Yes, I know I made a mistake, I'm really sorry, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for this, and no, you don't need to forgive me, I know I don't deserve it, and if I were in your place, I'd feel terrible too. I see you're throwing shade, but I don't really know if it's meant for me. It's fine if you want to block me or never talk to me again; I'll understand” But I don't know what's best. I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I should keep wallowing in this hole of guilt and regret. I don't know if I can fix this somehow, and even though I didn't want to lose the friendship, now I'm not so sure because I feel like this situation will always be a huge stain on our relationship. I feel like my friend is resentful, and so am I, and this mistake will always be there, a reminder that I failed her and didn't consider her. I feel like a relationship like this can't continue, even though I love her very much, we've been through so much together, and I miss her. I miss talking to her, but I also remember, for example, that I stopped telling her all those sad things I post here because she didn't understand, even though she is going through something similar. I feel like she invalidated my feelings, and even though she offered me help, but it was in ways that didn't really help me, and it was never personal. I was never upset that she couldn't support me; in the end, she did what she could. But at one point, she told me she didn't know how to help me anymore, and that was very hard for me. That obviously broke the relationship, but I don't think things can ever be the same. I truly regret it so much, and I wish I could go back in time, or that this band had never come to my country. I don't know, it's very complicated. Sometimes I can't deal with the pain, with the fact that I hurt someone I care about. What would you do in my place? I don't know if this makes me a terrible person, and it really bothers me because I know I'm not the nicest person in the world, But I've tried not to hurt people during my time in this life, and this makes me wonder who I really am, if I'm a good friend, or if I should die for being scum.