Today we finally talked openly and seriously about adoption. It made me feel better knowing that the option was at least on the table and you weren't just forbidding it because of your own personal feelings. You never had any right to do that in the first place because you are not the one taking care of our child; I am. I have always been. I will never get over the anger I have towards you. NEVER. I know that. The hatred that I have for you runs deep; very deep. I even think of ways that I can hurt you all the time and relish the thought of your suffering. I don't think that you have suffered nearly as much as you've made me suffer and you probably never will. When I think of that it makes me furious. Makes me realize the unfairness and injustice of life in its entirety. To this day, even after all the hell you've caused me, you still feel a sense of entitlement and importance. Don't you realize you are Shit? Don't you realize that you are one of the lowest forms of life in existance?: the Deadbeat dad, the Drunk, the Abuser, the Self-centered, Immature Narcissist who thinks your feelings and desires are all this is important. Did I mention you are a Huge Liar? I don't see any redeeming value in you whatsoever. Because you won't ever acknowledge your faults and mistakes you will never change. You put on an act like you are working on self-improvement but it is exactly that: AN ACT. It's too easy to blame others, isn't it? Just like your bastard father. Self-centered piece of shit. You're always saying "I need to be aloneeeee!" or "I need to go to my meetinggg" or "I need to go be with my church grouppp" Then the next minute you are telling me that I need to go to counseling. BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS BUSY TAKING CARE OF OUR SON, REMEMBER? OF COURSE I want to go talk to somebody, too. OF COURSE I NEED TO EVEN MORE THAN YOU DO BECAUSE OF THE ANGUISH YOU'VE CAUSED ME!!! Why don't you watch our son so I can go to get all the counseling I need by myself, they way you do--instead of expecting me to do something that you would never do--which is take a two year old autistic child along. God, I hate you.