I just want to sleep all the time, and not be hungry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by CandleLight, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Hey guys... I don't know where to post this. It's been a while. Something pretty awful happened/ is happening to me, and as some of you know I am already staying in a homeless shelter. Life can't get much harder than this, and that's not really an exaggeration.

    So, at this point, due to the Lamictal rash and stopping my medicine before being able to see the prescribing psychiatric nurse whom I totally hate anyway, and the extra unneeded trauma in my life, I'm a real mess.

    I'm barely able to get out of bed (and by "bed", picture a steel cot. Lovely, yes?) Staff and clients alike ask me every day if I feel any better. Well no, no I don't. I'm just gonna turn over and sleep for another 7 hours, OK?

    I wake up with extreme anxiety early in the mornings, almost on the verge of a panic attack. Every single day. So I take Hydroxyzine, which is not very strong but at least it's something. But on an empty stomach it makes me even dizzier than just not eating.

    That's another thing too, I'm having a huge trouble with eating. I do feel hungry, but it just makes me get mad, but not at all out of bed. I don't want to feel anything at all. I just want to sleep. Sometimes it feels like I'm being sadistic to the hunger for making it suffer for food, and sometimes it feels like the hunger is sadistic for making me suffer until I eat. And then later in the day, or at the longest, the very next day, you must eat again.

    No, thank you. I just want to be cozy and sleep and forget the pain. My scruffy little dog sleeps with me and she is almost always entirely patient.

    I just want to sleep. To relax. To feel calm. To not have to do one darn task in the day, but feel cozy in bed.
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. Thanks for letting us know how you are doing.

    I wish I could help you.

    Is there anyone who can help you find housing?
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @CandleLight I know that feeling all too well, wanting to stay in bed, last week I stayed in bed for 3 days straight not because I was without anything or needed something,I just wanted to not feel stressed. I hope things start improving for you soon. Do you have an occupational therapist? They might be able to help and I am glad you have a medication that at least helps you a bit, know we are here for you. Stay safe (hugs)
  4. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling so low. The thing about sleeping all the time, is that eventually you wake back up. You have no choice.

    I used to be pretty social and friendly, but now I'm so sick of people trying to make me spend the energy to have some stupid conversation. I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE.

    I've literally started ignoring people altogether, when they ask me direct questions. I am so sick of saying, "I feel like crap, I don't want to talk right now." People still keep on talking to me. It's rude as hell, when I SAID I needed to be alone in my thoughts.

    So I'm more comfortable all the time just staring at my phone even when people say my name. I've always been such an unusually polite person. These days, someone can come sit next to me and I won't even look up.
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  5. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I get it CandleLight. I wish I really was a big old bear, could crawl into a cave and hibernate.
  6. MisterBGone


    I hope that things begin to improve for you. And that you catch a break sometime soon.
  7. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Candlelight, I understand the sleeping part. I have the opposite of what you have, I don't sleep yet want to so desperately. I listen to my senior dog snore the days and nights away and realize I am envious of her.
    The food part is tough, I have put on weight because of the Prozac now I try not to eat to lose it which is not good. I just have not found the happy medium.
    You will find your happy place just keep on looking.
    CandleLight likes this.
  8. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    I'm eating more now. I still feel awful. And in a few days I'm going to have to pay a friend more gas money to get me out into another town to get copies of the police reports. There are two. I keep waiting for the detective to call me, but at the same time I dread him calling me. I'll have big impossible decisions to make, either way. All while I'm feeling like THIS.
  9. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Candlelight, it is good that you are eating and it is understandable feeling awful. Sort the good/bad parts of the decision out on a piece of paper, you will come up with the right one. Go with you gut and instinct.
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry CandleLight that you're going through this

    One side effect I totally hate when I don't eat nothing is diarrhea. It just conpounds to more horrible feelings about myself sending me further down a spiral.