I lost everything and nothing improves ever

[Thundermouse]

Il try and cut my story short but I'm just fed up of feeling sad all the time.
5 years ago I lost my bf to cancer, I had a lot of cr*p off his kids making my life hell when all I ever did was do my best for him, I cared for him, was there when he died. I was pregnant for a short while (it was unplanned for us both and although bad timing it was wanted by me).... kids said I had done this on purpose (I honestly hadnt) and everyone went on at me to have an abortion as it would be best for me, against my better judgement I gave in. My biggest regret.
Roll on 5 years, I'm in a relationship of sorts with his brother, who has been there for me but has issues himself as he was cheated on in both his marriages, I feel like I'm the one being punished for the wives mistakes, I would never do that to him ever. He blows got & cold with me, not everyone is happy for 'us', just feel lilebim never intitled to be happy, the abortion still heavily plays on my mind especially when other women have kids & everyone is happy for them, feel like people prefer me to be miserable.
Any advice would be appreciated as how I can sort myself out. Thanks

 

[Brian777]

Hi Thunder, welcome to the forum. Sounds like it's been a few rough years you've gone through. All I can really say in the way of advice is. The abortion is in the past and cannot be changed, your only choice is to let it go and carry on from where you are now, nothing can change it. People who try to control your life usually have ulterior motives and their own agenda, follow your heart, usually you'll get an inner feeling of what's right and wrong and how to proceed, follow that. People usually respond with how they've been treated in the past, the man you're seeing obviously has trust issues.
Maybe having a heart to heart talk with him and telling him that you don't do that "cheat" he has to get over this in order to have a stable relationship with you. I hope you can find some peace. Take care.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

Welcome to the forum. Please keep posting as you know we do care.

 

[Thundermouse]

I've told him before I wouldn't cheat & in Fed up of been treated bad.... sometimes I get through then it all goes back to normal. His eldest daughter is very anti me, few years ago threw the baby thing in my face (she thinks I just lost it) & said I'd better not be pregnant with her dad's like I was with my deceased bf. Pointless saying anything as my bf thinks she's golden girl.
I don't ask much of him, just to treat me better, feel like a lepher, whenbit suits him. Yet he can be different.
I carry so much sadness and anger, I try to deal with it but I just want to be happy again.