I am in a tailspin and have lost my will to go on for sometime now.. My sweetheart was sick and lost control of herself and became increasingly violent over the course of 7 years. Dozens of physical attacks and emotional abuse daily more than I can recount. Non the less I still loved her dearly but she kept getting worse and I too started suffering afraid to leave her alone I stopped workiing. My son was afraid to come home after school if I wasn't there.. She was be a joy mediated. BY doctors with a supposed chronic pain problem... But she was clearly suffering mentally also and I think it was the bigger issue.. she lost her prescriptions after a suicide attempt on my. Birthday three years ago... Then after that recovery I discovered.she was self medicating using meth claiming it took all her pain away. But the aftermath was destructive to all of us. Her parents were I formed by me what was happening after I couldn't get her off she stole everything I had left us destitute bit I couldn't let her go this beautiful girl I fell in love with disappeared before my eyes and my pleas for help from authorities fell on deaf ears as well her parents efforts were impotent at best.. I called her mom as often as possible and pretended to be supportive.. When she died sleeping next to me I was destroyed. I ha ent been able to.stop since feeling guilt and responsibility I should have been stronger.. I hate myself and apparel toy everyone else does too including her parents who've not su h as even called once to be supportive after I took care of their daughter for 8 years best I could.. Not one of our friends came to my aid not one! People her and I have been there for in seco d's of need.. I did not get to attend any services nor do I know if there was any.. Excluded from the love of my life's wake funeral no.closure or chance to say good bye or see her one more.time to kiss her and tell her I love her forever regardless.. I have no one, am homeless isolated and now fearful of seeing anyone. Lost all faith in people and am really close to ending it.. I haven't had one person hug me in seven months.. I just want to be with her but now I doubt there is a heaven or god.. I sent o the catholic priest for grief counseling and he just bearded me and said she was an awful person for what she did.. It was horrible.. I have no family here or anywhere really.. I do t know to say. I don't think I'm going to make it much further.
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I lost my True love in september and have been abandoned by all
- Thread starter Helpless and deserted
- Start date
I'm terribly sorry for you loss. Catholic priests don't really support you when things go wrong, so don't worry about that. You still have your son, right? It sounds like maybe she was suffering mentally, and now she's finally at peace. She knows you loved her. Maybe she just was in so much pain that she didn't know how to express her love. I hope you'll continue to seek help. Feel better. We're all here for you *HUG*
Hi @Helpless and deserted and welcome to SF.
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I don't know if it's any consolation but at least now she's not in pain anymore.
It sucks you couldn't go to her funeral, but you can say goodbye to her in your own private way.
Maybe go to the place of your first date or to her favourite place and remember all the good times you shared rather than dwell on the last few years.
How's your relationship with your son? Are you guys still in contact? If not do you think you maybe able to reach out to him and ask him for some help?
You say your homeless, are there shelters you can stay at? I really hate to think of you on a park bench somewhere.
So the catholic counselling didn't go so well, can you get other therapy?
I'm sorry, it's like 20 questions. I just feel for you so much.
Hang in there, you've found a place full of supportive people.
Keep coming back, keep posting
Take care of you
I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I don't know if it's any consolation but at least now she's not in pain anymore.
It sucks you couldn't go to her funeral, but you can say goodbye to her in your own private way.
Maybe go to the place of your first date or to her favourite place and remember all the good times you shared rather than dwell on the last few years.
How's your relationship with your son? Are you guys still in contact? If not do you think you maybe able to reach out to him and ask him for some help?
You say your homeless, are there shelters you can stay at? I really hate to think of you on a park bench somewhere.
So the catholic counselling didn't go so well, can you get other therapy?
I'm sorry, it's like 20 questions. I just feel for you so much.
Hang in there, you've found a place full of supportive people.
Keep coming back, keep posting
Take care of you
Hi there: I am sorry for your loss.
Wondering why you were barred from attending the wake and where is your son after that's all said and done.
It is a hard thing for any family to go through to watch a loved one go through addiction and still is allowed to continue to self-destruct. I do hope you find some peace and resolution to your life to get it back together and be a father to your son.
Wondering why you were barred from attending the wake and where is your son after that's all said and done.
It is a hard thing for any family to go through to watch a loved one go through addiction and still is allowed to continue to self-destruct. I do hope you find some peace and resolution to your life to get it back together and be a father to your son.
Hello
Sorry about your loss.
2 years ago my love died in my arms, of a heartattack. So i can really feel your pain. I know that right now all seems meaningless and the future looks bleak, but trust me it can get better. For 6 month i was in intense therapy (2 times a week ), and it really helped. It took the edge of the intense feeling of griev, and made me able to function again. I still get the feeling of sadness and sorrow once in a while, even thoughts about ending it all, but with antidepressants it seems like the worst has passed, and i can finally see a future without her. I know she will always be in my heart and i will always love her. That will never change.
So know that you are not alone and it will get better.
Sorry about your loss.
2 years ago my love died in my arms, of a heartattack. So i can really feel your pain. I know that right now all seems meaningless and the future looks bleak, but trust me it can get better. For 6 month i was in intense therapy (2 times a week ), and it really helped. It took the edge of the intense feeling of griev, and made me able to function again. I still get the feeling of sadness and sorrow once in a while, even thoughts about ending it all, but with antidepressants it seems like the worst has passed, and i can finally see a future without her. I know she will always be in my heart and i will always love her. That will never change.
So know that you are not alone and it will get better.
I can't breath I'm so alone I don't want to be here anymore I have done good and more good for so many and they all just abandon me.. Its cruel cruel cruel way to treat someone like me.. I don't understand I'm going to hurt myself here in a minute my son will be better off without me... I can't trust anyone anymore now that I have nothing I am no good nor wanted by anyone..
Your son will not be better of without you. I'm a girl who has firsthandedly experienced a suicide (I was too late to save him) and I want to tell you that no son, not even one who yells at you or argues with you, will ever be better off after a suicide. You feel this pain of losing someone? Your son will feel this too. There is not a single child in the world who would be happy of losing a parent such as yourself. You're doing the best you can, keep fighting, okay? I'd recommend grief counselling (it helped me) and just know that the world really does need you. Your experience with one person does not dictate how the rest of your life will go, I promise. Stay strong out there.