My father used to say... "How can a blind man help another blind man to cross the street? It'll be jeopardy!!!"
I couldn't agree more. Ironically, I couldn't escape the fact that I am the very blind man, and trying to help my partner, the other blind man here, to survive together and save our relationship.
I've been suffering depression (though never diagnosed, or not yet, but I went on to medication after an attempt)... since about 2 years ago. Then, IDK, somewhere along the line, I think my partner took a heavy toll on me. Not only it made him tired AF, I realised it finally made him probably as depressed as I am...
He did make it loud and clear: He became the person he is today, because of me. He only feel this much resentment and expressing a very large amount of neuroticism, only to me. He is triggered with every little debate we had, like we couldn't even have a break.
He was there when I was at my worst. But to him, I was never at his. I didn't (and still don't) understand what went wrong. Whenever I asked, he raged even more... telling me that I was just too lazy to find it out myself, he didn't want to answer it basically.
To the point that we were both emotionally exhausted... and one time he asked me to fulfil his physical needs (like what people do prior to having sex, the roleplay and such). While we have done several things like that, this time, this particular time, I wasn't really able to do it because I've been busy...
And then he got mad. He got mad and started to be calculative of the things he had done for me but I always failed to help him. That I never succeed in consoling him, satisfying his emotional needs, and now also his physical needs.
I know we're screwed. Since long time ago, maybe. Almost all of my friends told me it's not worth it anymore. But I held onto us both, trying to prove them wrong, trying to prove that I can be his hero too..
In the end he hates me. Well, we already broke up just now... but now I feel lost. I lost myself while loving someone I thought I would spent my whole life with.
I don't know who I am anymore... What I'd do without him.
I couldn't agree more. Ironically, I couldn't escape the fact that I am the very blind man, and trying to help my partner, the other blind man here, to survive together and save our relationship.
I've been suffering depression (though never diagnosed, or not yet, but I went on to medication after an attempt)... since about 2 years ago. Then, IDK, somewhere along the line, I think my partner took a heavy toll on me. Not only it made him tired AF, I realised it finally made him probably as depressed as I am...
He did make it loud and clear: He became the person he is today, because of me. He only feel this much resentment and expressing a very large amount of neuroticism, only to me. He is triggered with every little debate we had, like we couldn't even have a break.
He was there when I was at my worst. But to him, I was never at his. I didn't (and still don't) understand what went wrong. Whenever I asked, he raged even more... telling me that I was just too lazy to find it out myself, he didn't want to answer it basically.
To the point that we were both emotionally exhausted... and one time he asked me to fulfil his physical needs (like what people do prior to having sex, the roleplay and such). While we have done several things like that, this time, this particular time, I wasn't really able to do it because I've been busy...
And then he got mad. He got mad and started to be calculative of the things he had done for me but I always failed to help him. That I never succeed in consoling him, satisfying his emotional needs, and now also his physical needs.
I know we're screwed. Since long time ago, maybe. Almost all of my friends told me it's not worth it anymore. But I held onto us both, trying to prove them wrong, trying to prove that I can be his hero too..
In the end he hates me. Well, we already broke up just now... but now I feel lost. I lost myself while loving someone I thought I would spent my whole life with.
I don't know who I am anymore... What I'd do without him.
