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I might have to leave someone I love, Should I?

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#1
I have been dating this guy for about a year now, we just decided to get togheter for real. I love being with him, we have a lot of fun togheter and I have never felt this deep a connection with anyone as I do with him. He says he loves me and he is the nicest, funniest and most amazing guy ever, tho somethimes he may turn cold or a little rude if he gets annoyed.. anyway he told me from early on he was not a big fan of drinking, but now he is telling me that he can not be with someone who drinks long term at all. He says drinking disgusts him. (I dont drink much, I drink socialy and its usualy low % like wine or cider) should I quit drinking compleatly to be with him?
I feel like if I do, it would be wrong towards myself. I dont feel its right to change anything about myself in order to be with someone, but at the same time I really do love him and I would hate to loose what we have.
 

Unknown_111

Forum Buddy
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Welcome to the forum and the SF family. I am sorry to hear that you have to give up the one you love but when you are in a relationship it should be a shared relationship. You must not give up your socialising habits just to please someone. As long as you drinking in a sensible manner then that should be accepted by your boyfriend.

If you give up drinking for the sake of love then that's down to yourself. But your partner should be acceptable of your habits and should not try to be controlling. Perhaps you should ask him if he accepts you drinking and if he does not then you need to consider the future together. I am sorry if I sound horrible but I don't mean to be. YOU are very important and never think anything else different.

Take care my friend and more importantly be safe.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#3
Hello,
How about trying to come up with a compromise solution? What if you drank half as much as you do now and in return he became fully accepting of that and didn't give you trouble about it? Did you probe around and ask why drinking disgusts him? Maybe he had a very bad experience with alcohol or knows someone who did and it has set his opinion against it. His reason might be logical or illogical. Is he more bothered by your drinking around him, or around others when he's not around? By putting all the details together maybe a new plan can come forth.
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Staff member
ADMIN
#4
I don't know what you "should" do...That is really up to you, as @Unknown_111 said.

Has he said what it is about drinking even a bit that disgusts him? Is it part of his religion? Did he have previous relationship/family issues with an alcoholic/addict that makes him sensitive/fearful? If it's his religion, can you accept that and go along with his outlook? If it's from his past, can you and he find a compromise that you can BOTH agree on? Maybe some couples counselling could help. Are there any values and outlooks that the two of you don't agree on? Is there enough that you DO agree on that he might accept your drinking a little bit (not like an alcoholic, just socially)...?

I think if one partner wants nothing to do with something, and the other partner wants to indulge in that something, they need to talk it out. I think that abstaining from something for someone else if I really really wanted to indulge might make me feel somewhat resentful along the way (I don't know how someone else would feel.) Anyhow, I'd want to be sure of them and of myself so that my decision would be as much for me as it would be to accommodate them.

Just my thoughts. All the best. *hug*
 
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