My dog died a couple of days ago. I know, to some being this devastated over a dog may sound ridiculous. I got her 5 yrs ago after my grandma died. I love her very much, our family love her. She died of kidney failure and I can't get the last images of her at the vet out of my mind. I feel like it's my fault. I have a lot of what ifs, what if I sent her to the vet sooner? What if I didn't leave her all by herself during the moments of her life? She staff said she was crying non stop and she was in so much pain. I wanted someone to blame but in the end, I can't help but blame myself. The thoughts that maybe she could have been save keep on haunting me. We were supposed to take her home the day she died and put her on home medication to prepare for her surgery but she didn't make it. She's been crying and it looked like she was in so much pain. Now, everywhere I look around the house she's all I think about. I still keep on waiting for her to come up to our room and rest her chin on my bed. I waiting for her to walk up the stairs. I'm still looking for her every time I'm in the living room or kitchen. I still hope that she's just under the table or behind the couch. I still wait for her to bark and wag her tail. I miss hugging her and kissing her and playing with her. Even my other dog who was very close to her is also feeling sad. She keeps waiting for her by the door and I wish I could explain to her that our friend is never coming back. I'm a bigger mess now than I was a few months ago. I can't. It hurts so much because it felt like it shouldn't have happened that way. I miss her so so much. I've crying myself to sleep ever since she died.