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I miss you Ethan

#1
Its been almost a year since my best friend <mod edit - method>. We were outcasts and full blown metalheads growing up we both had terrible childhoods but we kept going for eachother for our band. I sang and he played guitar. Im a poet so we made really dark songs about suicide ,rape, self harm and we just were expressing ourselves. The day he <mod edit - method> he cut his hair we loved long hair but he called me and we played chess together and I was making fun of him for losing and he said he had to go and I was confused because it was only about 5 in the afternoon, he texted me saying he wanted to see what I would say and according to police documents he shot himself 2 minutes after while listening to seasons in the abyss by slayer. He <mod edit - method> because 2 weeks prior he asked me if I was going to <mod edit - method> myself how would I do it and why. And I responded I < method> And he <method>,. Its now 3 in the morning im sitting here with a <method> listening to death metal just thinking of all the times we had and how I shouldve called the cops the day you were showing me your dads <guidelines>. I miss you Ethan since youve been gone I havent had any friends no one talks to me no one was like us turning off lights in school breaking toliets and pulling fire alarms I love you. Now its 3 in the morning on a saturday listening to music no friends no girlfriend im a loser like you used to say. I dont know how to end this but I guess ill say this your crown of thorns you wear leaves you in leaves for me to reap and sow.
 
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#2
I'm sorry that you lost your friend Ruby.
I shouldve called the cops
It's easy to say you should have done this or that. I guess people tend to blame themselves when a friend commits suicide. Let's say you had called the cops, and then Ethan ended up in a shoot-out with them and got killed. Or the cops just didn't do anything. Or Ethan got mad at you for calling the cops and then killed himself later. Then you'd be thinking, "If only I hadn't called the cops".
 

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