7months. Today is seven months that you left us. I know it wasn't your fault or choice. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. I'm so used to seeing you everyday and night I can't believe it has been this long. I still wish I could hear your foot steps down the hall. Or give u a kiss good night. I have this lump in my throat that won't leave. I have a constant pain in my chest. I yearn to hear your voice and see you drive up. I miss the coffe you would make. Grandpa I miss you. I get so mad that you left. I feel like the world has shifted and I have taken all everything you left. I feel like the man of the house. When I get up to take grandma to run arrends or anything Iget mad and think WHERE ARE YOU?!! YOU are SUPPOSED TO DO THIS!! Then I get sad. And I remember you had no say so in the matter of your death. I told you to not stay. To go. To be free of the pain you felt. To let go of your struggle. Your body was weak and could not contain your strong mind or will to live. Then after the sadness come my stupid self pity. I am so lost and confused. I feel everything. It's all so intense and I want to lose it but I know I can't because I promised you that I would be strong and take care of grandma. She was your world. And in your honor I will do what I promised to. I can't stop crying or even express to anyone what's goin on inside because we are all hurting. You are the biggest loss in my life. How did I get this far? How have I managed to live with out you? When I feel pain? How can I sleep? How come I can eat? I can't believe it's been this long. Time has gone so fast yet so slow. Your birthday is coming up and I dread it. I hate it. I can't remember ur last birthday. What did we do? Was I there? I couldn't remember u with me on my last birthday? Am I losing my memories? Have I forgotten you? I know I miss you. How do we forget? Or I learning to live with out you?