i need some advice

[geordie_angel_sad_eyes]

hi all
i really didnt want to ask this hee but i really dont know what to do. let me explain.. my dad committed suicide 3 years ago, i kept my feelings to myself and to be honest since i live 3 hours away i pretended it didnt happen. then my wedding came lat year and since then ive suffered fom severe depression, had countless gp appointment, psyciatrist and crisis team visits, cbt therapy and bereavement counselling. i have been on 2 different meds as well as zopiclone. anyway after the summer break from work i was on a high not happy but like really bouncing off the walls for a week and a half. it was like a fresh start. then my dads birthday was coming up and i crashed. it was like flipping a switch. my mam was at hosp getting results from a tumor they operated on that day too. i totally crashed and hit rock bottom again, i was irritable, snappy, hating my life and everything in it, hating myself. basically i feel like ive not just hit rock bottom but went straight through the earth to its core. i dont get it, anyway to cut a long story short my best friend was concerned and said i need to go back to see my gp to change meds as they have had no affect, they used to make me sleep when i first went on them but now im lucky if i get 3 hours straight at once. i made an appointment last tuesday and its tomorrow after work, the thing is im in a place where i really feel im past help. im so embarrassed about having to go back to see him and anxious i feel like a lost cause. if i was an animal id have been put down by now. i really dont know if i can go tomorrow or if i even want to, im past caring, i just wish i could go to sleep and never wake up to this pointless existance, in fact no i dont want to sleep, when i do sleep i have horrible dreams which wakes me up, i dont know what to do or say, i guess im trying to talk myself out of going im a chicken shit too, ha thats another thing to go on my list

 

[Acy]

:hug: I can feel the distress you're in.

A lack of sleep can make it very difficult for us to function well - to make good decisions or even any decision such as going to the doc. So you are to be commended for doing so well. In your shoes, I would go back. It sounds like maybe the meds need a dosage adjustment or you might need a different one, or a combination of meds. Meds can be so hard for the docs to find just the right one because every person's response to them is unique. Bear with it, and get the meds adjusted.

Also, I'd really mention to the doc how easily your mood changes these days. That could be your depression, a physical thing, or even too many little stresses adding up to one big one at a bad time. (Btw, I can understand how your dad's birthday would be a trigger for a bad time - memories, good and bad would come up. You might want mention that to the doc as it definitely seems to have triggered you.)

Please keep your appointment and then update us. You will always find support here, so keep in touch. Feel better soon. :hug:

 

[Stranger1]

I agree with ACY, keep your appointment..You have nothing to be ashamed about..Depression affects hundreds of thousands of people.. I'm sure your GP doesn't just have you as a patient..Go to him/her and tell them what is exactly going on..

 

[total eclipse]

YOu do need med adjustment hun you also need grief councilling as you have never dealt with the death of your father. You need therapy to help you get through the emotions you buried okay. Go to your doc appt and get your meds fixed and get an appt for therapist okay so you can start having a good life with your partner hun okay do that for YOU

 

[geordie_angel_sad_eyes]

ive had cbt therapy and bereaavement therapy and have been referred for emdr therapy, i kept my appointment and have had dosage increased again, if theres no change in four weeks he has to change meds as im now on highest for this one, thanks for all the advice

 

[Speedy]

R.I.P. your dad

And good luck with your increased dosage. Hope this change goes smoothly.