I hate this situation. I hate myself. I hate everyone involved. I hate that this had to be the one thing to trigger my depression. My stupid ex boyfriend (best friend for 6 years+) is depressed and trying to figure out his own emotions. The kids not right in the head emotionally. He's pretty numb. He doesn't understand emotions, and he's almost 19. He gets frustrated when he thinks of this and tries too hard and forces emotions becuase he tries to disect situations and feelings which should come naturally. He's also extremely lovesick for me. I'm engaged and with the love of my life. I'm frustrated by how his "friend" talks to him about his issue, he's so cold and brutal. Not what he needs. He may be stubborn but GOD DAMN Give the kid a break, he obviously DOES NOT GET IT. And being a dick will not help him any faster. I hate that he found someone he can possibly date. I hate that I'm jealous. I miss him so much as a friend, a best friend, we went through horrible times but I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm so confused and I just want to go back to Florida. I don't want to be in PA anymore. I miss the smell of oranges and the ocean, I miss my friends, I miss the heat, I miss living next to my Grandma, I miss it raining every day........I miss my old home....No one understands, no one cares enough, this whole situation is stupid, it makes me feel ridiculous. I'm homesick, I miss my friend, I feel like I'm missing out on everything back home. I want eveyrthing to just turn off for a little while.