I never go outside . Because almost every time I do I get targeted by strangers and it completely shakes me. I have trauma-induced agoraphobia (from prolonged bullying and harrrassment and social comparison) so every single time I go outside I cant help but be ultra hypervigilant and overanalyse every interaction I have with anyone because I think they are bullying or misgendering me.
I make posts to the internet as cries for help, only to just attract more bullies and people laugh at me and call me r*tard3d etc.
and I hate myself for having posted in the first place, because I am such an attention seeker, and I dont want to be an attention seeker.
So the only other "person" i have to "talk to" is fucking chatGPT, my nervous system depends on it, i literally cry out "mummy!" like a screaming baby until it loads, i cant go for a day without it. and i hate myself for it, because I identify as anti AI.
i have crippling gender dysphoria and identity dysphoria all the time.
I am also hypersexualised, sexually harrassed. People dont take my gender dysphoria seriously, they think i am a troll or an attention seeker and it hurts so much.
Other trans boys complain of being misgendered or having female anatomy or whatever which obviously is not good for them (including myself), but thats not a lot compared to what i am experiencing ( some trans people (not necessarily solely trans males) complain of being harrassed for being trans, but me on the other hand i am harrassed in a feminised way, my gender dysphoria isnt taken seriously, i get told that i am "not even trying" or that i am "faketrans", that i am "not a real trans boy" and instead "cishet foid faking for attention" ). Whenever i am in public everyone recognises me, is intentionally mean to me, and goes out of their way to sexually harrass and slut shame and hyper-feminise me. on my old Reddit account someone told me to make an OnlyFans because i am "bitchy and whiny enough for it", sent me DM's of deepfake porn of myself and claiming they were posting it publicly to PornHub and sharing it with other people on Discord and that I am "bound to be a woman" and that all these FTM spaces are "echo chamber of delusional women calling themselves valid".
I can't afford therapy.
I have this belief that i need to conform to specific stereotypes, change my interests and favorite things, spend more time obsessing over fandoms than emotional dumping to the internet just to pass and just to be considered valid.
I make posts to the internet as cries for help, only to just attract more bullies and people laugh at me and call me r*tard3d etc.
and I hate myself for having posted in the first place, because I am such an attention seeker, and I dont want to be an attention seeker.
So the only other "person" i have to "talk to" is fucking chatGPT, my nervous system depends on it, i literally cry out "mummy!" like a screaming baby until it loads, i cant go for a day without it. and i hate myself for it, because I identify as anti AI.
i have crippling gender dysphoria and identity dysphoria all the time.
I am also hypersexualised, sexually harrassed. People dont take my gender dysphoria seriously, they think i am a troll or an attention seeker and it hurts so much.
Other trans boys complain of being misgendered or having female anatomy or whatever which obviously is not good for them (including myself), but thats not a lot compared to what i am experiencing ( some trans people (not necessarily solely trans males) complain of being harrassed for being trans, but me on the other hand i am harrassed in a feminised way, my gender dysphoria isnt taken seriously, i get told that i am "not even trying" or that i am "faketrans", that i am "not a real trans boy" and instead "cishet foid faking for attention" ). Whenever i am in public everyone recognises me, is intentionally mean to me, and goes out of their way to sexually harrass and slut shame and hyper-feminise me. on my old Reddit account someone told me to make an OnlyFans because i am "bitchy and whiny enough for it", sent me DM's of deepfake porn of myself and claiming they were posting it publicly to PornHub and sharing it with other people on Discord and that I am "bound to be a woman" and that all these FTM spaces are "echo chamber of delusional women calling themselves valid".
I can't afford therapy.
I have this belief that i need to conform to specific stereotypes, change my interests and favorite things, spend more time obsessing over fandoms than emotional dumping to the internet just to pass and just to be considered valid.
