I think it's time to cut my parents out of my life.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by hereigoagain, Apr 20, 2016.

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  1. hereigoagain

    hereigoagain Member

    This is hard. It has been such an awful decision to make.

    You know when you meet other people and they seem to have a really 'normal' life?

    They come from a family of Mum, Dad, a sibling and themselves. Their parents live in the same house as they always did and life for them has been, emotionally at least - seemingly simple? You know they have had their heart broken a few times, had arguments with friends and at times been broke but they just don't have the emotional angst that I (you) have. They have never had a reason to have it either..

    I come from the worst family EVER. The only thing that could have topped the emotional torture I have been put through ALL my life would to have been sexually abused. At least if that had happened I could scream from the roof tops, had them put in prison, been an example to others. Instead I have had a life of constant put-downs and emotional abuse. A life of shame and an inability to connect.

    When I was a child, maybe 8 years old my brother came out as gay. My mother was so outraged she hit him with one of those really large whiskey bottles you used to get in pubs until he could barely breathe, then she cut his clothes off of him because they were a gift from his bf. I still hear his screams daily. I think about how I watched from the top of the stairs. I think about how I should have tried to stop her. I think about how much I loved him. I think about how I wish I'd known at the beginning of that evening that it was my last night as a carefree child. Selfish I know. I think about it all the time.

    Don't get me wrong, emotionally life was crappy before that night. Being the youngest of 4 siblings to parents who should never have ever gotten married let alone have children, life had always been a struggle. They argued constantly. CONSTANTLY. The atmosphere was always volatile.

    At 17 my mother wrote me a letter informing me 'this is the last time you will ever hear from your mother'
    - 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What had I done wrong? I had left home. Why? I just couldn't stay anymore. I didn't see them again until I was 29 years old.

    And during those 13 years apart life was actually pretty good! I put myself through university, had my apartment, had my shit together. :)

    But in the 12 years they have been back in my life they have tried to control me through emotional blackmail. It has worked.

    I have spent most of the time suicidal and they have spent all of the time slagging me off.

    Today, the conversation with my father was about how I have no friends, I can't keep any friends I do get and I am a complete loser. Oh and my children can go and live with them.

    So I sat and cried for hours.

    Helpless.

    Then it came to me. They have to go. It will be hard. Like addiction recovery is hard. To never see my parents again. To never know when they have died. For my children to not have any family at all. But it is time. I need them gone. I need to breathe.

    Finally time to exhale. I am no longer scared.
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am so, so sorry to hear what you have been through in your life.

    You have survived a lot, and I think this is a good decision for you. If they still have this toxic effect on you, you certainly deserve better. I hope this goes easy for you!

    Do you have a counselor or therapist to help you with this?
     
  3. hereigoagain

    hereigoagain Member

    I've been to therapy but it made it worse. Everyone is different and I don't want to keep dredging it all up
     
  4. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I think that's a reasonable idea. If your parents are nothing more than a detriment, or if the positives from maintaining a connection with them are negligible, then it would be in your best interest, and maybe your children's as well, to cut them out. Your life was supposedly far better without your parents in it, so that's more reason to cut them out.

    I hope this works out well for you. Take care.
     
    hereigoagain likes this.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    If you're happier without them....just do what is best for you.

    there's so many people that had to cut ties with their abusive family members more than you think. Just letting you know you're not alone with the worst family member lottery a lot of us have that too. You just don't see it behind the closed doors what really goes on in each house. Everyone is supposed to pretend to the public that its all fine and perfect....

    I'm cutting ties with mine anytime soon I get back on my two feet and moving the hell faraway from here where they cant visit me. Ill be much more happier and at peace with my own kind and they're not from the same world I am from
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    By the way is your brother okay?
     
  7. hereigoagain

    hereigoagain Member

    I am just back from London - I said my goodbyes. Not literally but I said to my dad I wasn't going to see him for a while.

    I tried to talk to my mum about things and she just said if I had nothing nice to say then stop causing arguments and get over it.

    Enough said.
     
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  8. hereigoagain

    hereigoagain Member

    He committed suicide 5 years ago. I miss him muchly x
     
  9. hereigoagain

    hereigoagain Member

    It sounds so awful. "I have no family" I have said it a few times now and people look at you like you are some half-dead stray.

    Hows things with you and your family?
     
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Family drama is still the same. I am still planning on getting as far away I can go. I'm better off without them as they made it clear I am just an annoyance to have around because of my deafness. When they need/want something they get it from me. They all made it clear they do not accept me at all and I'm done with trying anymore. I'm shut out of a lot of converstations and all fully know how to sign but they choose to exclude me all of the time because its too much easier to talk to each other. While I'm left in the dark.

    Like I said they are not important part of ny world as they never will get it and a lot of others like me are the same way. Just different walks of life being better off without the family. I've always been a responsible working adult that they want around to leech off due to the money I bring in working countless hours. I just stopped working as much as I used to due to finding out I was not being paid the same for the more work and qualifications I had vs other coworkers. So life isn't that fair and I am making the choice to walk away from the family who made my life a living hell with all of mental,verbal and phsyical abuse. They can figure it out themselves once I get the money I need to move on/foward thats if I don't manage to die before then
     
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Am very sorry about your brother that has to still hurt. Life isn't fair to a lot of us.
     
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