I think my meds are making me incapable of emotion.

[Dante]

When I first found antidepressants that work I found it severely deadened my emotions too, it felt like I had been numbed to everything, but the point to consider is that SSRIs are not a cure, but a calm platform for you to work on fixing yourself, and in that capacity, being numbed is perfect, you dont have the wild emotions dragging you in every direction, it allows you to take serious and considered steps towards fixing your mind and your life. I found the emptiness a little eerie, but it really was what I needed at the time.

Not all antidepressants do that though, another one I was on (and had to switch off of) just seemed to boost everything, it lifted my mood but also made me kind of manic, very little self-control, so maybe not THAT one, but perhaps if being numb isnt your thing there might still be other meds which have a better effect.

 

[IDontWantToDie]

Arent they meant to do that? I have been on medication and i experienced the same thing. You just become a robot ghost instead of being a regular ghost.
I have one thought for you. When we do this to our negative emotions, how are we better than the people who abandoned us when we felt bad?
Stay on your medicatin, and tell this to your doctor. Maybe you just need different drugs.

 

[Harmony]

I think it's the high dosage of benzos. That being said, I don't think it's the best idea to decrease them right now as the potential for rebound anxiety and such is quite high and the only way to avoid that would be slow tapering. Decreasing might be a goal for the future, but I would wait until SSDI comes through. Just don't give up and keep that Tx paper trail going ofc as that can only help your case. Know I'm rooting for you. Hugs.

 

[Gonz]

Arent they meant to do that? I have been on medication and i experienced the same thing. You just become a robot ghost instead of being a regular ghost.
I have one thought for you. When we do this to our negative emotions, how are we better than the people who abandoned us when we felt bad?
Stay on your medicatin, and tell this to your doctor. Maybe you just need different drugs.

“become a robot ghost instead of being a regular ghost” is probably the best description of how this feels that I’ve ever read. But I hope that they’re not supposed to do that since I’m likely to spend a long time, if not the rest of my life being medicated, and I’d really like to share in that “full spectrum of human experience” thing, rather than my only choices being one set of emotions run amok, or none at all.

 

[Gonz]

I think it's the high dosage of benzos. That being said, I don't think it's the best idea to decrease them right now as the potential for rebound anxiety and such is quite high and the only way to avoid that would be slow tapering. Decreasing might be a goal for the future, but I would wait until SSDI comes through. Just don't give up and keep that Tx paper trail going ofc as that can only help your case. Know I'm rooting for you. Hugs.

I'm not sure it’s the benzos. They’re the one med I have a lot of prior experience with and, while they do have their negative side effects (over-sedation, and the temptation to do same on purpose), they’ve never done this.

Yeah exactly. It’s frustrating (hey, there it is again, is that the only emotion I can feel?) for me to give up that level of control over my life, especially for so long, but mostly just doing what I’m told (or pretending to, lol) until the disability comes through is the thing to do. I’m just not very good at this.

 

[MisterBGone]

I can understand, and sense your frustration & fear of trepidation over the way things are headed. I'm reminded of an article I'd read years ago (2007-2009?); where they'd done a nice interview with I believe it was the Dean of Psychiatry (or some big shot) at the UCLA Campus Hospital/Psych Ward. And she's going on & on about this & that, the other thing. . .

And the thing that really stood out to me, was when she expressed with such great disbelief, at how she could not understand it when patients who may have been in the worst possible shape, with some of the harder to manage disorders, and such. Or just happening to be on some of those medications which tend to have, or produce the nastiest of side-effects. The way in which they could just, without warning, to her seemingly "go-off," them (or become incapable of med-compliance) . She could not relate to their behavior inso far as it not making sense to her, that this is how they were going to get better, with this continued treatment.

And she made it sound much more conversational, and to the average reader, without this sort of knowledge, "crazy," or "insane," And if that is being overly dramatic, because it may be. . . Most people reading her quotes, would wholeheartedly be on her side. it seems so simple... Take this pill, give youreslf the best shot at getting well (or better). And anyway, my first thought that registerdeed like alighting bolt to my head, was "why don't you try taking some of them, sometime!?."

 

[Gonz]

I can understand, and sense your frustration & fear of trepidation over the way things are headed. I'm reminded of an article I'd read years ago (2007-2009?); where they'd done a nice interview with I believe it was the Dean of Psychiatry (or some big shot) at the UCLA Campus Hospital/Psych Ward. And she's going on & on about this & that, the other thing. . .

And the thing that really stood out to me, was when she expressed with such great disbelief, at how she could not understand it when patients who may have been in the worst possible shape, with some of the harder to manage disorders, and such. Or just happening to be on some of those medications which tend to have, or produce the nastiest of side-effects. The way in which they could just, without warning, to her seemingly "go-off," them (or become incapable of med-compliance) . She could not relate to their behavior inso far as it not making sense to her, that this is how they were going to get better, with this continued treatment.

And she made it sound much more conversational, and to the average reader, without this sort of knowledge, "crazy," or "insane," And if that is being overly dramatic, because it may be. . . Most people reading her quotes, would wholeheartedly be on her side. it seems so simple... Take this pill, give youreslf the best shot at getting well (or better). And anyway, my first thought that registerdeed like alighting bolt to my head, was "why don't you try taking some of them, sometime!?."

Word