This time last week I was feeling amazing. For the first time in years. Because I felt like my life was going in a positive direction. And today was good too until I got a letter in the post. I’ll start from the beginning.
I haven’t heard from my support worker in four weeks. He said he’d contact me every Friday so for the past few weeks I’ve been texting him, getting increasingly anxious about the sudden silence. He wasn’t especially good in the first place, he did not give much in terms of emotional support and he wouldn’t often respond to my messages, but I made an effort because I’d been promised changes. I’ve been phoning the reception every week since he stopped communications with me because I had no clue what was going on and my youth worker was also concerned as we had made some progress before he became silent toward the both of us. This afternoon I receive a letter dictated by said support worker. In it he made some statements that were not strictly true, and once again I have been denied therapy. He also said that he will no longer be my support worker and that basically I have no one to help me except my youth worker (who works for a charity so cannot support me clinically, and I need clinical help). On reading the letter I had a meltdown and it sunk in that autism truly is a barrier to everything. I was never given the chance to grow comfortable talking to this man (who I only met once) and I did not do things their way, I did not always answer his texts right away, but that is no grounds to stop helping someone? I did not act badly once. I only acted as I do because of how my brain functions and they used that as a reason to stop helping me. And it hurts. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to turn to and I am scared I’ll have a drug relapse because of this hammer blow.
it felt so out of the blue because my youth worker had been in correspondence with the support worker and a meeting was being arranged. And now there only feels like direction to take and I’m scared for myself. I behaved and I genuinely tried my best with this person, and given that lockdown is happening it seems unfair to leave me in the lurch at a time like this.
I hope this makes sense but I can’t think clearly, my world is caving in on me and now university doesn’t seem possible and I’m back to how I felt last year, useless, unloved and unworthy of help.
I haven’t heard from my support worker in four weeks. He said he’d contact me every Friday so for the past few weeks I’ve been texting him, getting increasingly anxious about the sudden silence. He wasn’t especially good in the first place, he did not give much in terms of emotional support and he wouldn’t often respond to my messages, but I made an effort because I’d been promised changes. I’ve been phoning the reception every week since he stopped communications with me because I had no clue what was going on and my youth worker was also concerned as we had made some progress before he became silent toward the both of us. This afternoon I receive a letter dictated by said support worker. In it he made some statements that were not strictly true, and once again I have been denied therapy. He also said that he will no longer be my support worker and that basically I have no one to help me except my youth worker (who works for a charity so cannot support me clinically, and I need clinical help). On reading the letter I had a meltdown and it sunk in that autism truly is a barrier to everything. I was never given the chance to grow comfortable talking to this man (who I only met once) and I did not do things their way, I did not always answer his texts right away, but that is no grounds to stop helping someone? I did not act badly once. I only acted as I do because of how my brain functions and they used that as a reason to stop helping me. And it hurts. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to turn to and I am scared I’ll have a drug relapse because of this hammer blow.
it felt so out of the blue because my youth worker had been in correspondence with the support worker and a meeting was being arranged. And now there only feels like direction to take and I’m scared for myself. I behaved and I genuinely tried my best with this person, and given that lockdown is happening it seems unfair to leave me in the lurch at a time like this.
I hope this makes sense but I can’t think clearly, my world is caving in on me and now university doesn’t seem possible and I’m back to how I felt last year, useless, unloved and unworthy of help.
