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I thought my life was going uphill, But it's come crashing back down.

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chocolate

A member of some sort
#1
I've always had a shitty life. A shit start to life. From the moment I was born till where I am now.

I've learned new things recently about myself that I really didn't want to hear. I'm in a horrible place, so bad I would rather live out on the streets as that would be my only other option. My family is fucked up. I've told you my story awhile ago which you can find in the threads i've made. But this is something new and recent.

I finished my course, now with a $2k dept. not much but still a dept nonetheless. The govt were going to cut my Student allowance which paid for my accommodation the next week. My mother who lives with my abuser and married him while he was in jail for what he did to me says to come live with them. I thought about how absurd that was. Me? living with my past abuser? (He sexually abused me for those who are confused)

A week later and I've moved into their place. No other option. No other family that cares about me or they are dead. I get a huge room to myself which is nice, but just the fact i'm living with this guy has me on edge all the time. He tries to talk to me like we are pals and its infuriating like he's pretending nothing happened. He scarred me for life and he's talking to me about anything and everything.

My mother's health is deteriorating fast. Her speech is getting worse and is now starting to have trouble eating as her lips and tongue aren't working like they should. The stupid doctor's keep sending her to one place then another place a couple months later which is pissing me off cause she could of found out what she has by now if they got their act together.

So I've also found out the only reason I was born was in the hope that it would keep my mother and my father's relationship together. (He left when I was 4) I emailed him early this year in the hopes that maybe one day I could go visit him in England. He emailed me back saying that isn't a good idea and that he now has a new family and wants nothing to do with me. He still sends me $50-100 for my birthday and for Christmas. So not only did I just found out I was lied to that he just left cause he wanted to look after his mother, but he wants nothing to do with me and doesn't want me to ever visit.

I swear. No one in this world gives two shits about me. My mother recently said she wants to commit suicide but I know its just her unstable mentality saying that and not her. She's always saying she hates me and that she knows I hate her. But honestly, all that stuff is her wanting attention. She's cheating on her husband, my abuser. That's why I know about her attention seeking.

But yeah, this was more or less a quick update on my pathetic life so far.
Again, check out my story for everything else that's happened in my life.
 

Petal

Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
Hi there and welcome to SF. Sorry for the delayed response ~ sometimes posts get lost in the flow. You ARE important and you are not pathetic. 2k in debt. That is manageable, its not going to be the death of you (pardon the pun). I am so sorry to hear you were abused and that your dad wants nothing t do with you. That is a reflection on THEM not YOU. You deserve better. Maybe you should get help for yourself and your mom - considering she said she wants to commit suicide. You don't have to live the rest of your life in misery. Your life can begin TODAY and you can get help for your traumas and dilemmas. I believe in you and I DO CARE. (HUGS)
 
#3
I'm extremely shocked how similar our life stories are. It makes me so upset to know that you have to live in that kind of a situation because me and my younger sister have dealt with that same issue in the past. Our dad left us when we were 12 and 13.. My mom suffers from mental illness as well. When me and my sister were in highschool the guy she was dating at the time molested my sister when she was 15. (My sister is now 24 and I 25) My sister never brought it up to my mom until years later we had moved in with him.. my sister was going to a community college and I was working full time and also living with them. We lived in a shit mobile home that was roach infested it wasnt the best situation my mother was incredibly abusive verbally and physically to us she abused drugs and alcohol regularly with this guy. Well my sister had finally opened up to my mom about the abuse and she did nothing but call her a liar and went ahead and married this piece of trash who was bankrupt. She threw her whole life away and didnt give two shits about me and my sister.

This kind of life is a shit rollercoaster but you will push through it I know you will.

Moving on to today my sister graduating from Berkeley has a great job and amazing boyfriend.

I on the other hand had gotten my own apartment 4 years ago and eventually had to have my mom move in with me because her now husband tried to kill her. She lived with me for about a year. We had gotten a restraining order on him during that time. So after taking care of my poor mom she decided to get back with that piece of shit so she has chosen her life she recently committed suicide but the paramedics were able to revive her and I just am so exhausted from my families drama. I suffer from depression taking different medications to try to stay as sane as possible but it is hard. But please keep pushing u have come this far your living situation is only temporary and I know how scary and frustrating it must be to live under that roof. I am here if you ever would like to talk.
 
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