I don't want to commit suicide as much as I want an escape hatch.
I want to roam around the country in an RV with my family.
I want to run away to Canada.
I want to travel.
I want an out from all of my problems that just seem too overwhelming and insurmountable.
I don't know what I believe anymore (I'm Christian but am seriously struggling.)
I wonder if people lie to me or if everyone is lying.
Today I got a blood draw for A1C. Next week I see the doc.
When I finish posting, I need to start work on a proofing job due tomorrow.
Tomorrow at my Bible class I lead prayer.
I see the chiropractor on Thursday.
We're also getting an estimate tomorrow for a new garage door.
Last week the exterminators visited us because I saw a mouse. This isn't the first time we've had a rodent infestation.
We need to do stuff to "mouse proof" the house and it is going to *cost* us.
We still need to pay off the credit card.
I can only afford therapy once a month.
I run a house and deal with my son's autism.
Our house needs repairs; has needed them for years; I don't really know where to start.
I want my husband to retire but I don't know if we can afford it.
*I* want to stop working but I don't know if we can afford it!
I hate current events and I don't have the skills to debate people who disagree; I also don't have the energy or time to research every single angle on every single issue.
We need to get my son on Medicaid. I tried about a year ago and failed because he has too much money in the account.
I need to lose weight. I need to exercise but I can't find time; I also can't really walk because I have plantar fasciitis in my left heel. I need to see a podiatrist but that takes time and money also.
Where I live, it's about a half hour/45 minutes' drive to a doc's office with the exception of my primary care doc. She's about 20 minutes away. And I usually have to fight traffic to get there.
I'm paranoid and suspicious about just about everything; I've been lied to before and don't always know what is the lie and what is the truth.
I can't find solutions. I'm too overwhelmed. Everything screams "priority".
EVERY TIME I try to make a schedule, something comes along and blows it to bits. I've tried everything. I've even asked AI to help me make a schedule. Not even that worked. I had it down on paper and then events interrupted.
My life has been taken over by medical appointments. I had TEN of them in July; three for my son and the rest for me; one - with a dietician - got canceled and it was only later that I realized that I'd missed a lab appointment I had to have done on the same day. That had to be rescheduled. Most of my conditions are chronic, no cure, and I'm so tired of living with the pain and the disappointment of knowing there's not much anyone can do.
I wonder sometimes if I just want to whine. I'm afraid to try solutions because I'm afraid they won't work. I lost my health in 1990 when my bladder problems started; I descended into a nightmare of co-pays, insurance, meds, procedures, and it just hasn't gotten better; and I don't think it ever will.
My husband told me I'm addicted to my phone. Yes, I am addicted to my phone, my computer, and social media. But the only real life connection I have is with my husband, son, and church. I have nothing else. So I turn to the virtual world for the connection I need.
Today is a day where life is just too hard.
I want to roam around the country in an RV with my family.
I want to run away to Canada.
I want to travel.
I want an out from all of my problems that just seem too overwhelming and insurmountable.
I don't know what I believe anymore (I'm Christian but am seriously struggling.)
I wonder if people lie to me or if everyone is lying.
Today I got a blood draw for A1C. Next week I see the doc.
When I finish posting, I need to start work on a proofing job due tomorrow.
Tomorrow at my Bible class I lead prayer.
I see the chiropractor on Thursday.
We're also getting an estimate tomorrow for a new garage door.
Last week the exterminators visited us because I saw a mouse. This isn't the first time we've had a rodent infestation.
We need to do stuff to "mouse proof" the house and it is going to *cost* us.
We still need to pay off the credit card.
I can only afford therapy once a month.
I run a house and deal with my son's autism.
Our house needs repairs; has needed them for years; I don't really know where to start.
I want my husband to retire but I don't know if we can afford it.
*I* want to stop working but I don't know if we can afford it!
I hate current events and I don't have the skills to debate people who disagree; I also don't have the energy or time to research every single angle on every single issue.
We need to get my son on Medicaid. I tried about a year ago and failed because he has too much money in the account.
I need to lose weight. I need to exercise but I can't find time; I also can't really walk because I have plantar fasciitis in my left heel. I need to see a podiatrist but that takes time and money also.
Where I live, it's about a half hour/45 minutes' drive to a doc's office with the exception of my primary care doc. She's about 20 minutes away. And I usually have to fight traffic to get there.
I'm paranoid and suspicious about just about everything; I've been lied to before and don't always know what is the lie and what is the truth.
I can't find solutions. I'm too overwhelmed. Everything screams "priority".
EVERY TIME I try to make a schedule, something comes along and blows it to bits. I've tried everything. I've even asked AI to help me make a schedule. Not even that worked. I had it down on paper and then events interrupted.
My life has been taken over by medical appointments. I had TEN of them in July; three for my son and the rest for me; one - with a dietician - got canceled and it was only later that I realized that I'd missed a lab appointment I had to have done on the same day. That had to be rescheduled. Most of my conditions are chronic, no cure, and I'm so tired of living with the pain and the disappointment of knowing there's not much anyone can do.
I wonder sometimes if I just want to whine. I'm afraid to try solutions because I'm afraid they won't work. I lost my health in 1990 when my bladder problems started; I descended into a nightmare of co-pays, insurance, meds, procedures, and it just hasn't gotten better; and I don't think it ever will.
My husband told me I'm addicted to my phone. Yes, I am addicted to my phone, my computer, and social media. But the only real life connection I have is with my husband, son, and church. I have nothing else. So I turn to the virtual world for the connection I need.
Today is a day where life is just too hard.
