Really sorry you are feeling this way. But at the same time, i'm glad you took the time to write on this forum, so we can try to help you. I know what you must be feeling, i feel the same almost all the time. Death is no escape, it's just ending a beautiful life. I can promise you this: things will get better. Please, just hold on for a little more. Things DID get better for me, when i decided that i would wait 1 day before killing myself.
If you cannot speak to anyone about your problems, that is OK. The fact that you are posting on here, shows that you want to be helped, a part of you still want to live. Although your life is full of darkness and despair in this very moment, i promise you that you will get better, you will recover. Many people have recovered before you, and experienced the same amount of pain, and so can you. Alot of people never reach out, and this is probably the biggest reason why people carry through with suicide.
Whatever you do, please keep posting on this forum. I don't want you to die, or experience this kind of pain.