I want to kill myself so badly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Autumn01, Mar 10, 2012.

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  1. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm crying right now as I want to kill myself so badly. Unfortunately I don't have enough funds to do so right now :(
    Though I should have the money in a month or 1.5 months from now :) I'm so looking forward to it. :)
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    What thoughts are you having, Autumn?
    How can we help?
     
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    What has made you feel this way hun? I really hope you don't :hug: xx
     
  4. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    It's my mom- she's a Bitch.
    I am so fucking sick of her and I hate living with her.
    As if that wasn't bad enough- she went and got a dog yesterday. I don't like dogs.
    She knows that but obviously all she cares about is herself. I'd move out- I want a townhome but I don't have the money. That would be the only way for me to get away from her/ only way for me to not kill myself too. Luckily I should atleast have enough money from babysitting to kill myself by beginning of May- maybe even before April is up. She won't give a shit believe me. Only thing super important to her is to always have a dog.
     
  5. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    It's my mom.
    Thanks but I most likely will.
    I've been playing the different lotteries but no such luck.
     
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry your mother makes you feel like that.
    Do you have friends you could share with or anything like that?
     
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I am sad when I read something like this because I am a father who lost my son to suicide. The pain that it has left behind for me is unbearable. Sometimes parents don't show how they feel about their children until it is too late. That was not my case, I think I always did good things for my boy, but he was tormented by something that we all can never understand. In your situation, it seems you might have alternatives. Moving out onto your own sounds like it could be a solution. Unfortunately, change in life never happens fast and it will take you some time and some planning. If you can plan to save money for something tragic, you can plan to save money for something that is the real solution for you (moving out). I don't know your situation and so I cannot really comment on specifics, but can you pursue a job that could maybe get you into a situation that would allow you to move on for your own? Perhaps you can go in with some friends as roommates. There are often respite centers and similar situations where you can possibly get short or long term housing to give you a break from your home situation.

    Believe me, because I am living proof... We are all always faced with many challenges and one day we can be at the very bottom and the next, we are on our way to mend. I have seen many ups and downs and I do understand how you might feel, but feelings are only temporary. Life changes and if you take away the time to achieve that change, then change can not take place. If there is even one person in your life that you know who is a friend or relative that cares about you, you have to consider what your actions could do to them. I know that I live in devastation, and my situation cannot be changed - but despite this, I won't give up. Consider it a battle that you have to win. Don't give up, ever.

    This is my first post on this website and yours is the first post message thread I have read. I hope you don't mind that I care about what you've said and I hope that you will find some wisdom in the things that I have said. If a total stranger like myself, and others on this site, can reach out with words to care and help... then surely there is hope to consider. Call a crisis hotline. Get some advice. It's anonymous so there is no harm in trying. Perhaps they can suggest something in your area that could work as a solution for you.
     
  8. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    Autumn.
    I CARE I CARE I CARE I CARE I CARE I CARE etc
    Please call a crisis dot line now. Just have a chat and see if there is something else you can do. YOU MATTER TO ME Please don't do anything.
     
  9. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Wow, that was so well said. And I agree here. Although you might not have enough money to move out on your own, lodging with other people is one option. And there are many more out there. Maybe you should spend some time researching because I don't want you to kill yourself :(

    I lived in a shared building for a while, which meant I got away from home. Sadly the people there abused me so I had to leave but where you are could be different. Never give up hun, try every single last option :hug: xx
     
  10. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks.
    No, I really don't have any friends.
     
  11. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member


    Thank you for your reply.
    I'm so sorry that you lost your son to suicide :(

    My mom may be sad for a day or something but she will get over it. My pain and sadness is far greater than anyone else could ever feel for me.
    Ending my life is the best choice for me. Recently started doing babysitting through an agency- that's my source of income. Will be my last job too.
    I want to move to live alone. I hate living with someone. It's h*ll living with my mom. She upsets me non-stop.
    The lotto is my only chance of living but I'm not having any luck. It is far cheaper and faster to save for something tragic. Plus that is a one time thing as well and then I will be done.
     
  12. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks.
     
  13. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Sorry you were abused by some people.
    I refuse to move out to go live with yet another person. No thanks. I would rather kill myself.
     
  14. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Has your Mom got the dog? You can make it clear that you will not help with the dog, which I think is well within your rights.
     
  15. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Yes, she went and got a puppy day before yesterday.
    Oh she knows- that I won't deal with this dog whatsoever. I made it very clear to her a few days ago when she mentioned to me that she may have found a dog.
    I refuse to let it outside ect.... She's making my life h*ll til I'm able to kill myself so I'm giving her h*ll in return.
     
  16. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Good.
    What do you think is the cause of the issues between you Mom and you?
     
  17. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    She drives me completely nuts. I can't stand her. I'm done with her- I told her that yesterday.
    Honestly, I'd be glad to never see her again. Kinda like the relative you don't particularly care for that's coming for the holidays and you can't wait to get them out of your house so you can get your sanity back!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 11, 2012
  18. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling!
    It sounds like you are two very different people. Have you always lived with her?
     
  19. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Yea, I'd say so! Yes, unfortunately.
    I'm just trying to somehow hang on til I get enough money together.
     
  20. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    If you are 18 or older, you could join the air force (don't join army, navy, or marines) if you meet their requirements. This could open up new possibilities for you like free college education, becoming an officer/pilot, etc., all for free and don't have to worry about lodging and food and health care. all covered. I'm going to a college for free right now, army pays for it, even though I did my time (even war too). Try it, you might like it. Air Force is lot better though based on what I've heard from air force personnel
     
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