I was ready fo Alzheimers

[Wastingecho]

Alzheimers ran in my wife's family. Her mother had it. Her aunt had it. I knew this before we got married. So when she started forgetting things like how to cook something or how to drive to the store I thought I knew what to expect.

Took two years to finally get a diagnosis and it wasn't Alzheimers - it was pre-frontal dementia - actual brain deterioration.

I had to put her in a care facility lasr September. Spent the year before that cooking, cleaning, changing. Had to sleep on the couch to make sure she didn't try to leave house after midnight or tey to make frozen lasagna on top of the stove at 1 AM

Now she's lost over 100 pounds, the ability to walk, speak, and to recognize who she is or wjere she's at - doctors think she has less than a year

I've spent so much time crying, screaming, grieving that I don't know if I'll feel anything at that time

Now I'm struggling to figure out who the hell I am - what I am

My whole life has been lived for other people - wife, kids, work, pets

It hurts so much and I am so alone - I'm 67 now, constantly tired, constantly in pain physically and mentally

I want all of this to be done - when can I be done?

 

[Lostman85]

Alzheimers ran in my wife's family. Her mother had it. Her aunt had it. I knew this before we got married. So when she started forgetting things like how to cook something or how to drive to the store I thought I knew what to expect.

Took two years to finally get a diagnosis and it wasn't Alzheimers - it was pre-frontal dementia - actual brain deterioration.

I had to put her in a care facility lasr September. Spent the year before that cooking, cleaning, changing. Had to sleep on the couch to make sure she didn't try to leave house after midnight or tey to make frozen lasagna on top of the stove at 1 AM

Now she's lost over 100 pounds, the ability to walk, speak, and to recognize who she is or wjere she's at - doctors think she has less than a year

I've spent so much time crying, screaming, grieving that I don't know if I'll feel anything at that time

Now I'm struggling to figure out who the hell I am - what I am

My whole life has been lived for other people - wife, kids, work, pets

It hurts so much and I am so alone - I'm 67 now, constantly tired, constantly in pain physically and mentally

I want all of this to be done - when can I be done?

Im sorry your in so much pain. You did alot and sound like a great father and husband and should be very proud of that and if your not im proud of you no matter what. Dont think your alone. You did a good job taking care of your family. Dont give up on yourself you are a great person.

 

[may71]

I'm sorry things are so bad. It sounds like things were rough even before your wife's illness, and this is just adding more on.

I hope we can help get you through this.

 

[seabird]

I just read your post. This is a deeply sad and traumatic series of experiences @Wastingecho , I'm so sorry for the many losses. You're not alone here.

The time spent crying and grieving was time well spent even though it was teribly painful. Now, I think you must be very tired. You're still you. You deserve support and care, and I hope you're able to find a way forward.

Are you able to speak to anyone in real life about these things? I kindly suggest you find someone to speak to, outloud, about them. A grief couselor, a grief group, therapist if you can find a good one? I wish you peace. The traumatic experiences will likely always be with you but self- regulation is possible, at least that's what I've found after a few years of working on it.

 

[Wastingecho]

Can't talk to anyone - prior experiences cost my trust in psychiatrists and psychotherapists - hospital caregiver program kept calling once a month but i had to tell them to stop - if i tried to unload even a little they would go to the "we're worried about your safety" script so i had to stop before they called the cops on me - been hand-cuffed in the hospital twice in the past and there will NOT be a third time - i have no friends - i've been working from home on long island when everyone else works in new jersey so i have no real contact with them either. When she started getting bad the only company i had were our two cats. They both died about 18 months ago within two weeks of each other. Took a year after that once my wife was transferred to assisted care to try again. Found an older bonded pair and took them in. Took 3 months for them to be comfortable. One month later the male got sick - vet couldn't figure out what was going on and i lost him - feels like my life is full of more pain and death and i want to know when it's finally my turn

 

[seabird]

I'm very sorry you've been handcuffed, I cannot imagine how bad my reaction to that'd be. I understand about not talking to anyone about it. Every few years I've made an effort/mistake to try again, to summon courage to talk to a therapist or my ex or other family. I did get a lot of help from a secular grief group I used to attend, but again, I understand your reluctance.

Being isolated is, at least in my opinion, the hardest part of hard, sad, damaging experiences. We can't and shouldn't tell each other with any certainty that things will get better. On SF because others are in or have been in similar dark places, we can listen (read) and support each other.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and your kitty.

 

[may71]

Can't talk to anyone - prior experiences cost my trust in psychiatrists and psychotherapists

I'm sorry you've had such horrible experiences with the medical system. I wish the system worked better than it does.

There might be a strictly peer grief group, if that would make any difference.

There are also some books about grief that might be worth looking into. I could make a suggestion if you'd like but it's also ok if you don't want that.

I hope something can help.

 

[Wastingecho]

I don't do well in groups - can't even handle group chat - not worthy of contact with people