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i would appreciate anyone's views and suggestions on this please.

AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#1
#1
i will try to make this short.. not making promises though... sry

What would you do?

i was contacted the other day by an officer about the assault case from the end of summer. She asked me to come in n meet up with 2 officers and a victims advocate. And i was to bring my phone. i explained that i didn't have the phone they broke, the officers took it. She said she was aware and it was with the rest of the evidence for the case. i made an excuse and didn't go that day, and postponed a couple hours the next day, but finally went to met with them.

They are giving me till Friday to give them an answer.

i was asked if i wanted to take the one guy they have in custody in the assault case to court. Or i can settle with a lesser charge. They have been unable to make a plea Bargen with him to turn in the other guy. i have made the request to not know the name or see pictures. my understanding is that If i don't, he is willing to plead guilty to assault with bodily injury and the sexual assault will be dropped, and there will be no trial. This is where i am confused... If that part is dropped, then he can contest the charges completely because the only thing that ties him to the case is the DNA, that of which will be dropped as evidence as it is no longer relevant in the case.

They needed me to bring the phone they gave me because the micro USB has pictures on it that i took of that day, before everything happened. What was on that, was all they were able to save from the phone. All other files n pictured were lost. The good thing i suppose, is they were able to give me a brand new model... vs the one that was 5 yrs old. Apparently there is a company that donates new phones to victims of violence. i feel very guilty for having a new phone right now, then i was perfectly happy with the other one they gave me, and others could use this new one much more than i can.

So... yeah... What would you do if asked? Would you take him to trial, or allow him to take plea-bargain? Knowing full well he may walk away free from everything? Seams like a no-brainer... right? But it's not that simple. If you want more reference on the situation, you can go back to read the posts in "my story".
 
may71

may71

mr. may
#3
#3
It's a difficult situation. One thing to consider is that going to trial can be a big source of stress. I'd be worried that if you're feeling suicidal, the trial could be too much to handle.

You might want to get the advice of a therapist. It also might be good for the police to know that you're feeling suicidal (note, there's some risk of involuntary hospitalization if you do that).

While it would be good for this guy to get the full punishment of the law, it shouldn't come at a personal cost that you can't afford to pay.

If you can realistically asses how much stress going to trial would be and weigh that against how important it is to you for him to face trial, and the odds of getting a conviction, that might help you decide.

I hope you'll choose whatever is right for you.
 
seabird

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
#4
#4
This goes without saying, but want to emphasize the fact we are with you and supportive of you throughout this process. I'm curious if your therapist knows about the multiple legal issues you're involved in presently, and, do you have attorneys for both situations who know the full extent of what's happening for you? They might (?) be able to discuss this with the court, or a local judge to see whether the timing of all these things can be set up as to be as conducive as possible to reducing your stress.
 
AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#5
#5
i asked for an extension till Monday to decide.
@seabird i have spoken with my therapist this morning. She is the one that suggested i ask for an extension. i had not thought about the timing of it all. She is all for both going to trial. With the one for work and the wrongful termination, i have my 1st official meeting on the 24th. That is when he will file the paperwork and i hand over all the evidence i have. From emails and texts over the last couple years, to the 1 wrongful write up i received in 8 years with the company. i do not know when the other would begin. i do know he is still involved with the other case he was picked up on. i asked to not be informed about that situation. They were taken back by me preferring not to know any details about him or the case. Apparently most victims they work with want to know everything possible.

@may71 i appreciate what you are saying about the stress. i am so very unsure if i can handle even one case let alone two. my suicidal thoughts and actions are loads worse now that my feelings are shutdown. i know this... and i know the dangers of this.. and i have found that i don't care. i know that sounds harsh and all. In a huge way i am hopeful it puts me over that edge.

seabird said:
This goes without saying, but want to emphasize the fact we are with you and supportive of you throughout this process.
Click to expand...
Thank you! i have 2 people irl that seem to be supportive as well. One other, that says they are supportive, however, i think otherwise by their actions. None of which are family.

i have loads to think about over the weekend... Thank you both for giving suggestions and thoughts into the matter.
 
AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#7
#7
i most likely will change my mind several times before end of work day tomorrow... however at the moment i am bending more towards doing the trial. i don't want anyone else to go through what i went through by their hands. If i can put one of them away... that may not make a difference to me... but it may save someone else. Even if just 1 other... it's worth it.
 
AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#9
#9
may71 said:
Have the police said anything about the odds of getting a conviction? Are they encouraging you to go one way or another?
Click to expand...
No, and no. There's DNA linking him directly to the case. i would believe the evidence is extremely strong. They (the 2 officers and the advocate) were very professional in laying out the options and not trying to sway me in one way vs the other. The advocate made a point of telling me she is there for the entire case if needed. Whether i take him to trial or just go with the lesser injury assault charges. Also that no matter what i chose, it's my right to choose either way, and that i am not wrong for making that choice.
 
AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#13
#13
Sorry, i forgot to post an update. i have chosen to take him to trial. The process has already started... however they don't anticipate going in front of a judge for a minimum of 4 months. There is a tentative date of July 22nd. i say tentative because the advocate mentioned they usually draw this type of case out further to gather evidence and such. However she was unsure due to the DNA evidence. She personally has rarely seen that.
 
S

Shinzon1

Well-Known Member
#14
#14
AmberMarie said:
Sorry, i forgot to post an update. i have chosen to take him to trial. The process has already started... however they don't anticipate going in front of a judge for a minimum of 4 months. There is a tentative date of July 22nd. i say tentative because the advocate mentioned they usually draw this type of case out further to gather evidence and such. However she was unsure due to the DNA evidence. She personally has rarely seen that.
Click to expand...
Different power level of a situation (my case was a assault during a attempted robbery). I bring this up cause it's totally true the stuff takes forever sometimes for no reason (seems like in my case the guy is perfectly content to rot in the county jail). You have my sympathy and to the degree possible empathy.
 
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