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I'd rather die than accept being an ESFP

3nufk1n.sheepies

autistic apoxian eastern european toker
#1
I am transtypal (a subform of trans ID concerning the kind of typology (e.g. MBTI, enneagram) that a person identifies as) (I have hobby and interest dysphoria as well but that's kind of separate). Transtypal people long to become a different type, they identify as a type that they are not. They long to have all of the characteristics associated with that type and feel dysphoria (analogous to gender dysphoria) about their "assigned" type.
Typology is my language. It's second nature to my brain. I speak english, and I speak typese. ('to speak typese' is to depend on typology for understanding people/things).

I went to a social group yesterday and my social worker came and saw me there. Today when I checked my emails she told me that I didn't say 'goodbye' when I left and that I didn't let her check in on me I began spiralling. This ESFP dysphoria is unbearable!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't identify as irresponsible, impolite, careless, low self awareness. I didn't bother at all to say goodbye etc so I am careless and irresponsible. I had no memory of doing that, so I must lack self awareness (I identify as TransHighSelfAwareness). People have also complained of loud music and the smell of rubbish coming from my flat, that is very ESFP of me.

Transtypalism has the concept of neighbourism. Meaning that the typology labels aren't strict (and have more nuanced), for example if I say that I identify as INTP sp5w4 then "neighbouring" types such as ILE sp7 or SLI sp9 are okay, and that the 'closer' a typology is to ESFP/ESFJ + heart triad the more it gives me dysphoria.

I wish there were procedures one could undergo to change their personality to a one that they identify as.

I also have dysphoria about my interests and internet use.
 

3nufk1n.sheepies

autistic apoxian eastern european toker
#3
Internet usage and being more considerate of others are both things that can be worked on, they aren't just set in stone. I'm trying to cut back on my internet usage as well actually, a good place to start is just by setting a timer for a bit of time in which you turn off your computer and do another hobby that you have.
I can only do that if I have a certain state of mind. If I am triggered I talk to ChatGPT constantly. And everything triggers me all the time (including ChatGPT itself). Using ChatGPT gives me dysphoria because i identify as TransAntiAI. I identify as someone who spends most of their time doing hobbies. I feel agonised by this constant split between how I self identify and how my behavior and personality actually is.
 

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