idea on how to think positive?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by hopeful_changes, Jul 12, 2014.

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  1. Hey guys,

    Haven't been here in a while...

    Been having a hard time coping lately. I usually am effected by the seasonal changes so during the winter months I get pretty down but by the summer I am usually pretty positive. This summer I just can't pull myself out of this hole.

    I separated 2 years ago from my comonlaw wife and I never really got over it. It was my choice for many reasons, most of which was the negative effect my depression and substance abuse was having on the relationship. She didn't deserve all the shit I put her through. I still love her but I am still recovering from everything and she's moved on with someone else. Which was really hard for me to digest. I've thought about trying to get her back but I'm living with my unofficial sponsor of sorts and he's completely against that relationship. (The relationship had alot of negativity surrounding it) and I'm afraid that it's going to put me in a place where I am going to have to move if I pursue the relationship... which is one thing but my living arrangements have been great for my recovery and my "sponsor" already said he won't allow her around his house. My parents have been very supportive and said I can move in with them but they don't like her either. I'm afraid to move back out on my own because I'm afraid of falling back into that dark place . .. and eventually I just won't want to be around anymore.

    I started dating again but it hasn't been going very well and that hasn't been helping me with my depression... and the more things don't work with other women the more I miss my ex.

    Now I'm in a place where I just feel like I'm underwater... I don't care and I think that's by choice because I'm so tired of feeling sad.

    I get out and do things and see my friends and they all have no idea where I am in my head. I throw on my game face and pretend I'm the happy and sober person they want me to be but under it all I'm on the verge of falling apart. It's becoming a burdon and I don't know how to dig myself out of this place. I don't want the attention anymore. I don't my life and emotional state to be a topic of discussion with the people in my life. It's old news and I'm sick of being taken care of.

    I guess what I am asking is how can I take care of myself? Does anyone have any tips about how I can improve my outlook? Strategies, etc? I just want to deal with this on my own before I fall into old behaviours.
     
  2. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think you would be wise to listen to your sponsor and parents - particularly since by the sounds it is as much missing "something for a relationship" as missing her for herself and it sounds like you were not in the best situation with her. When you move backwards in one area- like living arrangements and who you are spending the majority of your time with it is very common to just assume other behaviors associated with that time - particularly if it is substance abuse.

    So far as ideas to be happy and positive - if it were just that simple I would not be here either so I am not going to pretend to have a good answer for you. It is different for every person and even withing the same person will vary from day to day and situation. The one piece of good advice I can think of is be cognizant of when you are unhappy and instead of indulging and feeding that do something different. As an example- music- if you are in a low place instead of listening to more low or depressing to you music to feed that feeling willfully choose to listen to something else or nothing at all. If you are in a place and feel yourself getting down - leave- and go do something different. While knowing what will make us happy is hard to figure out, knowing what is making us sad is usually apparent so when you feel that push that feeling away and change the circumstance/situation you are in feeding that. It may not lead to "happy" but just not being "sad" is a decent start and a far better place to work towards happy from than the bottom of a dark pit of sad.
     
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