Hi all, I've read quite a few of the posts on here, interesting but not too disturbing to me. I have already made the rational decision to end my own life, yet at the same time I would encourage all of you here to educate yourselves and try every means available to you before making a decision of this magnitude. Basically, all you want to do is make your pain go away, and there are many other ways that you might be able to do that which you do not yet understand due to your limited awareness of what you are capable of doing. I think that I'm here to just get some thoughts written out in a place where there are a few people more similar to me than in other places...I think the only people who can relate to me are those who experience intense pain and inner disturbance as a general rule of their existence. Regardless of the cause of that pain, feelings themselves tend to be the same and there are degrees of severity. Also, you can only really understand the inner world I inhabit if you live each day as if on the brink of death- it changes your perspective. My own personal issue can essentially be reduced to the simple statement that I have become far too complicated and intense to be a stable, happy or fulfilled person. The only solution for me would be to erase (through a series of traumas) that which essentially makes me who I am at this point in my growth as a person, or to drug me up to such an extent that I am unable to contemplate the complex things I think and feel about which I feel are an essential part of what makes me, me. I do not accept simple explanations, but ironically that is what is required for happiness. I understand that yet I am unwilling or even unable to return to that normal human simplicity. I experience life now mostly as a person living outside of me, and simultaneously as many people and many identities at the same time. This is true of everyone to some extent, but with me it is much more pronounced, conscious and disturbing. I have many opinions and opposing feelings on any given aspect of life. I can eloquently and rationally argue (and feel) most sides of a given issue as if I were actually different persons living totally different lives with different values. It's difficult to determine whether I've detached from all, or whether I feel all at the same time. I think those things might be exactly the same. After certain traumatic events in my life I gradually developed an intense desire to understand the existence of others, to experience realities other than my own. This I feel have done to a magnificent degree, but not without a price...I've thought myself straight out of my own personal individual existence. It is possible even without drugs. I don't need your validation of my decision, but I'm interested to hear the opinions of others as to whether they believe they have a basis for coming to a judgement of drastic measures on my part to alleviate that suffering. I'm convinced that no such basis exists really. Also, I would like to commune to some extent with others who have a strong likelihood of ending their own lives and who wish to face their end with calm, resolve and dignity.