I'm a mess

[project90]

so not sure how to really start but here I go

My housemate Troy committed suicide <Mod Edit:Methods>the early hours on Tuesday morning. it now bit past midnight the next Monday so 6 days later.

he was all normal and this has come out of no where. He had his brother vising from Western Australia he seem so happy so have him around they joking giving each other shit being brothers. It one of his kids birthdays next week he was going adopt a recuse dog and I was going go with him and help him pick one he was thinking ahead. My other house mate was going to go to work he walk down stairs open up the front door and that was when he found Troy outside the front door. He went upstairs and woke up Troy brother than called 000. He than knock on my door but I did not hear that about 15 minutes later he sent me a text that what woke me it said "don't look out the front it a crime scene please take my word on this" I thought was one of those stupid chain text things you forward on. So i replied asking what he was on about he came knock on my bedroom door again said Don't like out the front ask what he on about he said do you really want know or want just take my word on this i said just tell me. He said Troy <Mod Edit:Methods? i said if this is a joke it really sick and not funny he said he doesn't joke when come to death still half did not believe him till I saw the cops in our house. I called my two best friends and they came got me told me I can come stay with them. first two days they grate stayed home from work to be with me and stuff by end of day two they started getting over it asking me if I'm going find a new home and stuff and just after that started get bit short and irritable towards me. Meanwhile I'm barley sleeping and having trouble sleeping. My brother been the worst he has basically told me just to get over it . My grief has just felt like a inconvenience to people and it as if they all just want me be over this in few days. Now staying with my old housemate who I lived with years ago she been only one who been good with me she lost her boyfriend in a freak accident 3 years ago so she get it to a degree. But I'm a mess my shoulders all knot up I'm not sleeping barley eating I don't think I can ever go back home so lost a house was very happy in and now I'm seeing family and good friends of 7 years in a new light. As if I'm losing everything around me just feel so alone and isolated from nearly everyone. I'm getting counseling just waiting for all that to get started

 

[Petal]

I am really sorry for your loss. I can't even being to understand what you are going through right now, it must be a living hell. Please see a doctor who can then refer you to see a therapist, I think that will help you as well as talking to us all on here. Welcome to the site and hope Troy is now at peace. I am sorry for the way your other friends are behaving, everyone grieves differently, please seek help and you can get better and heal from this tragedy. May he rest in peace.

 

[Atreides]

Welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear you lost your friend. And it sucks that your brother and friends aren't understanding about what you're going through. I'm glad your old housemate is understanding. Like Petal said getting a referral to a therapist would be the best thing right now. And feel free to come here to vent and share your feelings. There are a lot of great and understanding people here. This site has helped me a lot in times of need. I hope it helps you too.

 

[project90]

my other friends did not really know hi that the thing my world stop at moment everyone else is still going just make me feel alone and isolated and they never been through this before so they don't really know how help kinda feel as if they taken step back from me. It as if people want me be ok and back to normal in few days. Went into the house today for first time since happen not for long but I went in. Be going back there tomorrow we doing little memorial thing because a lot of us can't make it to the funereal

 

[Lara_C]

You have experienced an intense trauma and are reeling in shock. I agree with the others about asking your doc for something to help you through the initial stages of grief, and bereavement counselling thereafter. Also, be very kind and gentle with yourself and allow yourself space and time to grieve, regardless of the unhelpful comments of some others around you. You can't just 'get over' a sudden trauma like this, and the way grief is processed is different for everybody.

 

[Walker]

Hi there
I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. People don't always understand these things unless they've been through it themselves. Suicides are also unlike other deaths in that they leave behind a wake of bullshit that isn't the same as when someone dies of old age, cancer or even a car accident. There truly is nothing else like it. No one else chooses to leave the planet and make every single person they know feel responsible for it. So yeah, some of us do get it, man. Others who are thinking about doing the same thing have never been on the other side of it and they think people will just "get over it" and can't understand that it just is not possible for that to happen. The process takes much longer for a suicide in many cases so I'm glad you've got at least one supportive ear to help you out. I'm also glad you made it here, to this site, cause you've just found a lot more people to listen to you as well. Keep talking ok? There are more people than you imagine wandering around here who "get it". You take care of yourself and try to stay surrounded by people who are understanding while blocking out the ones who don't for right now. There's nothing else you can really do at the moment. Be safe, we'll see you around.