Hi! it's me again, the person from here
All of my posts before this, I mentioned about getting help. I go to therapy and psychologist, and I did mentioned that it hasn't been any helpful to me. I just need to get this out of my mind.
I tried to deny it in my mind several times, but it's depression.. now with official diagnosis. I have it very bad apparently that it's starting to have psychotic effects. I tried to argue with the psychiatrist when she prescribed me psychotic medicine, but even my useless brain can figure it out that it's true.
I got my prescription... and it was hell when I told my parents. I was forced to go home, they take me to a shrine thinking I'm crazy or possessed. In the end I'm not getting the medication, trying to go through each day as best as I could.
It all went away when my parents sent my sister to stay in my apartment in Gunma. I needed space.. I can't afford getting dragged back home because my sister saw me crying or hurt myself before I can get up from bed
Just when I started trying to accept the fact that I'll struggle to live, I can't even struggle. I have nothing against my sister, she has her troubles too and she has left my apartment now.
Idk if it's because crying and cutting before I start my day is some kind of coping mechanism. but the 3 week she was here when I can't do those, I just can't get anything done and now I feel like I'm in a lower place from when I started.
I can't even do anything rn I hate it, I hate myself. I feel like a selfish piece of shit that needs help, medication, or attention just to live when everyone else can do things on their own and stand with their own feet.
it's frustrating just to think of my situation right now. it's been almost a year since my first post here, my thesis haven't been touched for 2 years now.. all my peers are on their way to become a doctor and I'm stuck here, even more pathetic than last year
All of my posts before this, I mentioned about getting help. I go to therapy and psychologist, and I did mentioned that it hasn't been any helpful to me. I just need to get this out of my mind.
I tried to deny it in my mind several times, but it's depression.. now with official diagnosis. I have it very bad apparently that it's starting to have psychotic effects. I tried to argue with the psychiatrist when she prescribed me psychotic medicine, but even my useless brain can figure it out that it's true.
I got my prescription... and it was hell when I told my parents. I was forced to go home, they take me to a shrine thinking I'm crazy or possessed. In the end I'm not getting the medication, trying to go through each day as best as I could.
It all went away when my parents sent my sister to stay in my apartment in Gunma. I needed space.. I can't afford getting dragged back home because my sister saw me crying or hurt myself before I can get up from bed
Just when I started trying to accept the fact that I'll struggle to live, I can't even struggle. I have nothing against my sister, she has her troubles too and she has left my apartment now.
Idk if it's because crying and cutting before I start my day is some kind of coping mechanism. but the 3 week she was here when I can't do those, I just can't get anything done and now I feel like I'm in a lower place from when I started.
I can't even do anything rn I hate it, I hate myself. I feel like a selfish piece of shit that needs help, medication, or attention just to live when everyone else can do things on their own and stand with their own feet.
it's frustrating just to think of my situation right now. it's been almost a year since my first post here, my thesis haven't been touched for 2 years now.. all my peers are on their way to become a doctor and I'm stuck here, even more pathetic than last year
