I'm going to kill myself. I have a date set and a plan ready. I really tried to better myself, jumped through all the hoops people told me to in order to finally be happy, but nothing ever worked. I can't concentrate in class, I have NO motivation left, my family thinks I am a failure. I only cause pain and trouble for other people. I thought I had good, dependable friends I could trust. One by one though they all stuck a knife in my back. My entire life I have been told I am weird, stupid and worthless. I don't seem to be able to understand what is and isn't acceptable, and I don't think I ever will. I used to think everyone else was the problem, but turns out they were right. I AM worthless. My life will never be meaningful and nobody will ever learn anything from it. When I am dead I can only hope somebody cares enough to at least bury me, but that'd be a long shot now. I don't want to solve my problems by taking pills. I have seen too many good people made into medication zombies just to escape the pain. I keep trying to battle my demons on my own but time and time again it only proves how utterly weak and stupid I am. I tried therapy but the assholes told me to just go work out and just sat there listening to me whine. They had no problem taking my money though. I turned to drugs and alcohol, and for a while they worked, but I realized I was only doing the exact thing I was trying to avoid with pills. Turns out on top of everything else, I had become a hypocrite. I can't escape or confront the pain anymore. I walk around in a constant state of self-loathing. I ruin everything. I don't even know why I'm posting here- probably so I can tell an invisible audience, rather than having to burden the few people who still talk to me with my problems. I just wanted to get it all off my chest somehow. Thanks for reading and good luck with whatever issues originally brought you to this site.