I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Anna Banana, Dec 16, 2012.

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  1. Anna Banana

    Anna Banana New Member

    It started in my freshman year of high school, when my depression started coming back. I started losing my appetite. I used to think it was crazy that I could make it all day without eating and not even be hungry. I'm a junior now, and if anything it's gotten worse. I can go 3 straight days without eating. I'm not exactly sure why I do this to myself, even though I do have A LOT of self-destructive tendencies. There are just so many things wrong with me. But I guess not eating makes me feel self empowered, if that makes any sense. I feel accomplished if I make it 3 days without eating. Part of me has a sick fantasy of passing out and waking up in the hospital, where people would be worried about me. I'm a very quiet person, and I never talk about my problems so I would imagine it would come as a shock to some people. I do know that being sent to the hospital would be a horrible horrible experience. And i'm not sure if what i'm experiencing is just from me being depressed, or maybe I have slight anorexia, because I'm skinny, except for my belly and it makes me incredibly self-conscious. I just don't know what to do...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You talk to your doctor ok you talk to a councillor at your school hun. You reach out for help before you have to be hospitalized Don't wait until you get so sick hun get the help now just talk to someone hugs
  3. Anna Banana

    Anna Banana New Member

    It's nice people like you that makes life worth living :) Thank you
  4. VikKalmbach

    VikKalmbach Active Member

    Hey Anna. Going 3 days without eating is incredibly dangerous but I do understand how this would feel "accomplished". The biggest problem with an eating disorder is that you cannot cut out food like a drug addict can cut out drugs. I have a strong fantasy where I'm listening to people speak at my funeral, and I don't understand how I didn't know how they all felt about me but then I always realize I never really asked.

    I think your body has adjusted to the lack of food you put in it and you will have a hard time balancing your meals now, but. The amount of power, or that "accomplished" feeling you will get from that balance will totally eclipse how you feel after making it a few days without eating. One is a very destructive feeling of power, and one is a very positive, controlled, accomplished feeling of power. I would work on talking yourself OUT of this situation, because it seems like this paragraph is trying to justify it. I would love to support you, or give you nutrition advice because the older you get, and weaker your body becomes naturally the faster this will start to take its toll on you physically. Your body needs energy to work, and move and your brain DEFINITELY needs it to think rationally and logically and make good decisions. Which I can tell you are full of because you are bright, and this is an introspective post.

    Please remember that I love you, and you are beautiful and perfect, and don't hesitate to reach out to me if you'd like to talk further about anything :),
  5. Anna Banana

    Anna Banana New Member

    Thank you so much :) I'll definitely try and work on it, and that was incredibly helpful. It sounds like you understand. Thank you.
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hello Anna Bananna. I just saw this thread. So I am a bit late responding. Still I wanted to let you know my expereince. My hair fell out eventually from starving. It never grew back. So I have very thin hair and a receeded hairline. I would not wish that on anyone. Were you able to talk to anyone irl about whats going on with the eating? I really hope so. I want you to be heard. I want you to have a voice. I want you to find people who care about you. And I want you to nourish that wonderful body of yours. :hug:
  7. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    I just wanna tell you that your not alone and im always here when you need me for a shoulder to cry on.
    Please stay strong x
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