i'm so afraid

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lotte, Jan 24, 2014.

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  1. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    i keep having visions of skinny girls that i want to look like. i dont look that fat, but mainly just feel uncomfortable and ugly and i dont want to even have a problem with food in the first place. i went on new all raw vegan diet, but tonight i had chocolate cake- not good. I keep checking my bmi over and over again, but it never changes. it's 17.7. its not good or bad, it just is, so why do i have to think about it so much? I dont want to worry about food or exercise so much, i just want to be healthy. i dont want to have to think about it. my fear is that i'm going to stop eating or start over eating. Ideally, i wouldnt mind losing 7-10 pounds. but this is not 'healthy' but it's not too bad either. But if i lost five pounds, i think the worrying would go away because it's not too little and it's not too much, but should i even allow myself to do that? Excuse me for being overly obsessive :crazy: sorry for the venting. take care everyone.
     
  2. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    don't ever apologize for venting. and for someone who has struggled with an eating disorder i get it. it comes in waves, but always there in some form. squeezing the fat around my waist, my breasts, punching mirrors or turning them around so as not to see my body. i have been complimented by lovers for being anorexic. sick. i was doing ok until i fell into a major depression and my SH came back. because all i do is sit on the couch and veg. stuck. so i'm back to being obsessive about my body. i can't even go out for a run [i had just started about 2 months ago] i just panic. some of the things i do is i don't own a scale to check my weight, i turn the mirror around, and i try to help others as best i can. i'm sorry you are struggling. it may not mean much, coming from a stranger, but you are beautiful just the way you are. even supermodels have imperfections they photoshop out. you are strong and your body is beautiful. because it's yours. i hope i've helped a little, maybe in just that i can relate.

    :flowerhearts:
     
  3. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    thanks Annie for your kind reply. I still feel like losing more weight, but i am getting tired. Mainly I just want to sleep :p But i have things i have to do. I am trying not to look in mirrors as well, and i think it's helping a bit. i've decided that i wont let myself weigh under 90 lbs. take care - lotte.
     
  4. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    ok, let me know how you are doing from time to time. you can always pm me too. be well.
     
  5. WoodyJames

    WoodyJames Member

    I'd love to have a BMI of 17.7. I'm currently at 14.9 and I do everything I can to gain weight (some days it's hard to eat). I really don't think you should worry about it at all. I also wouldn't use 90lbs as a limit my little cousin pushed her body down to 90lbs and ended up in the hospital fighting for her life because of it.
     
  6. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    wow, james, i'm so sorry to hear this :( it must be very hard for you. with a bmi like that, you could die easily. 90 pounds for me would be a bmi of 16.5, but that is nothing compared to what you must be going through. i hope you dont pass out a lot or get weak easily. take care of yourself. -lotte
     
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