Sorry, this is going to be rambling and hard to make sense probably. Just wanna let this out and hopefully get some kind responses to make me feel a bit better. :sad:
I can't fit in anywhere, not on this forum as well, rarely come here, mostly make pointless, meaningless posts, aren't proactive so I don't make friends/connections here or in real life. Its my fault though.
I'm a horrible son, I bring my parents nothing but misery, I am the black sheep, my younger brother is infinetely better than me. He doesn't argue or talk back to his parents or ignore them or say bad things to their face, or become sullen, withdrawn and talk about suicide and be a whiny little bastard. They think I talk about suicide just to get attention.
I am the black sheep of my family, my community, everyplace. I bring my parents shame and I will only bring them much more shame in the future when I get a just acceptable job, don't get married and don't have kids, live alone and depressed and suicidal all the time, etc. Unlike their other Indian friends and relatives with FUCKING perfect kids who will go to college, become highly paid and respected doctors and engineers and have a nice happy family. And here I am you guys, alone, lazy, pathetic, a LOSER!!! My parents are so ashamed of me, and rightly so. As an Indian, I am not supposed to be depressed and think about suicide, so I am so alienated.
Maybe my parents don't show their disspointment in me, but I know how they feel inside. Where did they go wrong in raising me? I need to know what went so wrong...
I am 20 years old but SOOOOOOOO FAR behind others my age, not raised right, didn't learn many things, the basics, not street-smart. Haven't done so many things others have done, my life is so empty and full of nothing. Have no friends. If my parents kicked me out right now, I would be totally, completely lost, just like an infant, no kidding!!! They probably will pretty soon....
My dad treats me like I'm mentally ill or totally helpless (well, I am actually...:mellow. On News Years Eve at my cousin's house where we were, my dad would keep coming upstairs several times to "check up on me and my brother" or so he said. We're 20 and 17, leave us alone, god, how embarrasing!!! My dad lied to me face about that, saying things like the other parents were doing it so, he lied right to my damn face the bastard and then finally said he really did it to watch me, to make sure I wasn't lying in a corner all sad and crying (hmm, why wasn't I anyways?), since everyone else was happy and I wasn't and everyone dislikes me anyways. :unsure:
I have all this shit against me, and I'm supposed to live. I haven't tried to attempt yet, probably won't in the near future, but I have to. Things would have been better if I wasn't born. If only I could die right now and give my organs to the dying who really need them and would actually enjoy life. Wow, life really is so unfair. I have lived a pathetic, wasted life and several other great people who were so great and missed by many have died.
My dad always has to give more attention to me and not to my brother because I am always sad, and struggling in Calculus, whereas my brother is breezing by fine with no help, I am so high maintenance and have nothing to show for it. My brother needs my dad's attention, at least he'd benefit. I'm a waste of your time dad, I will never amount to anything, I just have to kill myself right now so I and everyone else I know can avoid any more pain and suffering in the future, time to cut the damn losses!
What a depressing post, ugh, sorry you guys. Sigh....
I can't fit in anywhere, not on this forum as well, rarely come here, mostly make pointless, meaningless posts, aren't proactive so I don't make friends/connections here or in real life. Its my fault though.
I'm a horrible son, I bring my parents nothing but misery, I am the black sheep, my younger brother is infinetely better than me. He doesn't argue or talk back to his parents or ignore them or say bad things to their face, or become sullen, withdrawn and talk about suicide and be a whiny little bastard. They think I talk about suicide just to get attention.
I am the black sheep of my family, my community, everyplace. I bring my parents shame and I will only bring them much more shame in the future when I get a just acceptable job, don't get married and don't have kids, live alone and depressed and suicidal all the time, etc. Unlike their other Indian friends and relatives with FUCKING perfect kids who will go to college, become highly paid and respected doctors and engineers and have a nice happy family. And here I am you guys, alone, lazy, pathetic, a LOSER!!! My parents are so ashamed of me, and rightly so. As an Indian, I am not supposed to be depressed and think about suicide, so I am so alienated.
Maybe my parents don't show their disspointment in me, but I know how they feel inside. Where did they go wrong in raising me? I need to know what went so wrong...
I am 20 years old but SOOOOOOOO FAR behind others my age, not raised right, didn't learn many things, the basics, not street-smart. Haven't done so many things others have done, my life is so empty and full of nothing. Have no friends. If my parents kicked me out right now, I would be totally, completely lost, just like an infant, no kidding!!! They probably will pretty soon....
My dad treats me like I'm mentally ill or totally helpless (well, I am actually...:mellow. On News Years Eve at my cousin's house where we were, my dad would keep coming upstairs several times to "check up on me and my brother" or so he said. We're 20 and 17, leave us alone, god, how embarrasing!!! My dad lied to me face about that, saying things like the other parents were doing it so, he lied right to my damn face the bastard and then finally said he really did it to watch me, to make sure I wasn't lying in a corner all sad and crying (hmm, why wasn't I anyways?), since everyone else was happy and I wasn't and everyone dislikes me anyways. :unsure:
I have all this shit against me, and I'm supposed to live. I haven't tried to attempt yet, probably won't in the near future, but I have to. Things would have been better if I wasn't born. If only I could die right now and give my organs to the dying who really need them and would actually enjoy life. Wow, life really is so unfair. I have lived a pathetic, wasted life and several other great people who were so great and missed by many have died.
My dad always has to give more attention to me and not to my brother because I am always sad, and struggling in Calculus, whereas my brother is breezing by fine with no help, I am so high maintenance and have nothing to show for it. My brother needs my dad's attention, at least he'd benefit. I'm a waste of your time dad, I will never amount to anything, I just have to kill myself right now so I and everyone else I know can avoid any more pain and suffering in the future, time to cut the damn losses!
What a depressing post, ugh, sorry you guys. Sigh....
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