I've been dealing with thigh pain for the past month and a half, was on vicodin for it and it did nothing, then I was recently switched over to lidocaine patches to try to numb my nerves which works to a certain extent. I was diagnosed with meralgia paresthetica, which is basically a pinched lateral femoral nerve, but I'm starting to doubt it because my right thigh is starting to hurt along with my left one, and it usually only affects only one side of the body. I've been to the ER twice over this and the most they've done was take an xray, give me oxycodone, and valium. No CT was done to check if it's a spinal problem (herniated discs can cause the leg pain), no other guesses were taken. They just say it's going to go away on it's own in a matter of a month or so and I'm really starting to doubt it. If it doesn't get better I'm going to have to get a corticosteroid and lidocaine injection in a ligament around my groin area, sounds painful-ish, but I'm at the point of tears right now from this deep deep pain that I'm just considering it right now. On top of all of my physical shit, I've been hypomanic for the past two days. I wasn't today, but yesterday and the day before have been absolute chaos for me. Two days ago I dialed the crisis line three times and stayed up until 6am. I tried so many distraction techniques - talking to people, knitting, yoga dvd, watching movies, cooking food - none of them kept my mind at bay. I still feel the after-effects of this - my mind is STILL racing and I honestly wish I could just sleep the whole damn day away, but at the same time, I want to be awake and do productive things. My therapist cancelled my appointment today because we got 8 inches of snow, won't be in the office next week, so I have 14 days until I see her next. I just called her office to get her home number and have the number in front of me, I'm contemplating calling it but I don't want to call her too late as I find it rude... I might call the crisis line if I get too afraid to call her. She told me I can call her at any time but I don't think it would be pleasant waking up at 10pm having a crying client screaming "HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO", it would be pretty suckish. I'm just at wits end. I have so many people I can talk to but I just can't. Whatever I do, I can't do anything that lands me in the psych hospital. I have an appointment tomorrow for med management, see my family nurse practitioner on tuesday, see my case manager on wednesday, and I can't put all of that on hold to get mentally better. I'm just fucking stuck. I'm sick of having so many damn appointments that I have to revolve my life around. I'm sick of having physical pain problems. I'm sick of having MENTAL health problems. I know it's redundant to say, but I want to be normal for one day. Dealing with this every single say is making me contemplating doing something extremely harmful to myself, but that will only make my problems worse. I want to kill myself but I know the consequences and don't want to permanently affect my mother, father, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, and people who never knew me. I'm better than that, but I really want to give up. I just don't know what to do - let's put it at that. I'm reaching out for help :\ I know you guys can't do much, but this is all I can really do. Sorry if I come across as a whiner. I want the voices to fucking stop.