I'm sorry hear me out...

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by akalee_786, Oct 27, 2012.

  1. akalee_786

    akalee_786 Banned Member

    I'm finding it very hard to do this do please be patient if what I say won't make sense I figured to win the trust of people who I love and care for I owe them this, I'd like to first apologize for not talking first about what happened and I hope I can be forgiven.
    The story which I told was no fake nor was it for attention I accept my mistakes but what had happened was not for sympathy or attention I don't feel very comfortable telling what happened on here but anyone with question can pm me and I'll be honest, I was on my way to Pakistan but some issues came up in Dubai some which I'd not like to discuss I'll leave that part for now, before I was leaving I was under a lot of pressure some which I could not handle I came to this site for simply a friend and I must say I have found that but during my time on this forum I found myself to be more suicidal and I sh'd a lot more than I usually Sid it scared me this was simply because people thought I was strong and I could handle everything but really I can't I was being blackmailed a lot I will not mention nanes but it was very hard for me I felt as if I could not talk without slipping up and triggering someone whenever I expressed myself it made these people worse when I found out I was going to Pakistan earlier I was somewhat relieved that if I never had net it wouldn't be my fault but I could get out of this forum and try and relax It was harsh of me knowing if anything happened to them it'd be cause of me when our plans failed in Dubai and I never carried my journey to Pakistan I was very messed up and never needed more pressure or stress so I thought I could say I was in Pakistan and I can't use net... That was until I got more worried from emails I relieved which lead me to return online which I was not planning to do when I was oune I had to say I was in Pakistan incase those people found out I was back and then I had no excuse to not coming online I was hoping to cut off from it in fact I was hoping to be dead today the things that have happened over these weeks have been more difficult than I could ever imagine because of my mistakes I found myself losing the people I needed the most, I understand I should have talked to a mod about this and I planned to but they beat me to it when I received that pm of me lying I knew it was true and I was hurt very hurt but my situation was not false I wasn't lying I'm in Pakistan now and I hope one of the mods can confirm that for me I apologize for what I done I won't return to SF as I feel I lost the trust and support I need my intention were never to hurt anyone I just wanted out of a bad situation and I ended up in a bigger one I have been told I trigger people and lead them to suicide if that has happened and I done that I am very sorry that was not my intentions at all I'm so sorry for what I done I hope that the people I love and care for will accept this as me standing up Im sorry
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello. I am sad to hear about your ordeal. But you said you were sorry and that took guts. Good for you. I would love to be of some help. Please check out my most recent post. Peace