I'm not writing this for pity or attention I just can't get through this without some help, support, even understanding.
I've been in a relationship for 12 years with a "by the book narcissist" everything about him is identical to what the experts write about. And me well I have Borderline Personality Disorder and the fact that our relationship is over is not sitting well with me. I don't understand why this is so difficult when I can't hardly stand him anymore. But the man he used to be....the man he pretended to be, omg I want that back so desperately-he was amazing! Learning about the lovebombing tactics I become so angry! Angry that he played with me, that he stole a decade of my life!
The worst part is that I am on disability due to him flipping a 4 wheeler I was a passenger on. Anyway I can't move out with a $600 a month income so Im stuck here living with him. He maybe says five words to me a week. He tries to get under my skin constantly, by either hurting me or trying to make me jealous, and it works and I hate it and I want away from him but I'm stuck and I don't know how much longer I can endure watching his life go on so easily feeling NOTHING while I can't get through the day without a meltdown. I have no friends I have a sister but she's tired of it and I get it but I go days even weeks without speaking a word because there is no one to speak to. I don't feel alone....I am alone
I've been in a relationship for 12 years with a "by the book narcissist" everything about him is identical to what the experts write about. And me well I have Borderline Personality Disorder and the fact that our relationship is over is not sitting well with me. I don't understand why this is so difficult when I can't hardly stand him anymore. But the man he used to be....the man he pretended to be, omg I want that back so desperately-he was amazing! Learning about the lovebombing tactics I become so angry! Angry that he played with me, that he stole a decade of my life!
The worst part is that I am on disability due to him flipping a 4 wheeler I was a passenger on. Anyway I can't move out with a $600 a month income so Im stuck here living with him. He maybe says five words to me a week. He tries to get under my skin constantly, by either hurting me or trying to make me jealous, and it works and I hate it and I want away from him but I'm stuck and I don't know how much longer I can endure watching his life go on so easily feeling NOTHING while I can't get through the day without a meltdown. I have no friends I have a sister but she's tired of it and I get it but I go days even weeks without speaking a word because there is no one to speak to. I don't feel alone....I am alone
