In The Friend Zone

[Earn]

A tread for those in the "friend zone" or been through it or might know a way for us to get out or avoid it all together.

Ive spent my whole life in the zone save for one girl.but ive made some really good friends and i would rather have the good friends ive made then no one.ive learned to live with it.but from time to time it gets to me.

 

[Reki]

Some girls will tell you otherwise but the girls I know say that they know within about the first thirty seconds of meeting a guy whether or not they want to date him. My closest friend actually has a third category, whether or not she wants to sleep with him. That's probably because if a guy is self assured, nice to be around and physically attractive you know it within the first thirty seconds.

Just treat her how you would want to be treated if you were a girl. Two guys, guy A is always friendly and nice to you, compliments you but seems to do it more because he wants you to like him rather than because he actually thinks so. As a matter of fact, everything guy A does seems to be because he wants you to like him. You're not very sure how much he likes himself, he doesn't seem to have much confidence in himself. He's still a nice person though, just romance with him is a bit of an awkward thought.

Guy B on the other hand is also friendly and nice to you, he's always telling jokes and he's really funny. You can have a down to earth conversation with him about pretty much anything, he makes you laugh and when he compliments you it makes you feel good because you know he means it. As a matter of fact, being around him just makes you feel good and you find yourself looking forward to his company. You get the feeling he feels the same but you're not sure, you realize you like him and wonder if he likes you too.

If you were a girl, could you really say you would date guy A? I'm a guy so girls feel free to step in and correct me but doesn't guy A sound a lot like the proverbial Nice Guy? He seems nice enough, there's nothing wrong with being his friend but being his girlfriend is another story. Personally, I would go out with the second guy but everyone is different. I had a conversation about something like this a long time ago and this girl completely reamed me out, saying if men date insecure women all the time that girls can date insecure men. None of this is set in stone, just my take on it.

 

[Earn]

I get what your saying.you got some good points.I guess im just stuck being "the nice guy" which isn't all that bad.but they always say nice guys finish last and girls perfer jerks.which isn't always true but they wouldn't have those sayings if there wasn't any small amount of truth to it.

I used to be the funny guy that would lighten up a group.I used to be someone somebody would want.But that was years ago.And i'm used to being a friend.its the loneliness ill never get used to.

 

[iceeblusmurf]

i don't know if me saying anything at all will help......cuz i don't know if you feel this way at all about me...and i think if you did you wouldn't ever in a million years admit it to me anyways. But.......you are my best friend, and i don't give that out lightly. you are an amazing person aaron, and when the time is right, you are going to find the most AMAZING girl who love you for exactly who you are, every little bit of you. and you guys are going to live a happy life. i know it never feels like things are happening when you want them to, but honey, we're still young even if we dont' feel it, i mean jesus we can't even drink legally yet!

Give it time sweet heart, you are amazing, and the perfect girl for you is out there waiting for the right time. please start to have faith in yourself as a person. i don't know what else i can do to help.

 

[Earn]

Thank you Smurf.Your my best friend too.and that means soo much to me.

its just being lonely just gets to me sometimes and its probably just the holidays that are bringing it out in me.its just sometime i just need to let things out sometimes.and there isnt anything anybody can do until i figure those things out that you said.

 

[Reki]

I think that nice part of your personality is a good thing, Earn. It isn't that women like jerks, no one likes to be mistreated. It's just that you don't often hear about the good parts of those guys' personalities. The humor, the confidence and the fun. If all a guy had going for him was that he was a jerk he would be very lonely indeed, some guys are blessed with a fantastic appearance and can get away with it but for the other 95% of the population that isn't the case.

The nice guy with those great personality traits will trump the jerk with the same positive traits every time. As strange as it is, most people like to argue or fight every now and then. Life isn't constantly peachy, we all know that.In the same way having a relationship that's all sunshine and rainbows feels faked and boring. Just be you, if you get angry then be angry, if you're sad then be sad. Showing your true self to someone is a form of trust and in turn a form of care. It tells them that you're honest and it makes people feel like they can be honest too. When you feel like you can just be yourself around someone that is a beautiful thing. I remember hearing about a couple that had been married for about forty years and the woman said her heart still fluttered every time she saw her husband walk through the door.

You've still got plenty of time and plenty of women to meet, if you keep looking you'll find her and she'll be just as amazing as smurf said. If you sit around and turn into one of those guys that complain about love and wait for the right girl to find you I will come and I will stab you with this bag of M&M's I have here. Right in the eye. Don't make me do that. Best of luck to you, Earn.

 

[Earn]

Hey now if there is gonna be any stabbing with m&ms make sure there the peanut kind and point them into my mouth im hungry for some candy.

I hope you guys are right about the right girl for me

 

[professorh]

Screw that girl, you're better off not wasting your time on her.

 

[Earn]

I would rather have just a friend than no one at all.and i know im not wasting my time with any of my friends.other wise they wouldnt be my friend

 

[professorh]

I would rather have just a friend than no one at all.and i know im not wasting my time with any of my friends.other wise they wouldnt be my friend

No offense, but I think it will just lower your self esteem more being around her. I wouldn't waste my time giving feelings to her unless you can control them.

 

[Earn]

my friends have been nothing but helpfull for me.and they have been helping with my esteem.if someone was hurting my esteem or my feelings i wouldnt be there friends.

 

[Issaccs]

Become "interested" with secunda, and talk to prima about how perfect secunda is, and show a complete loss of interest for prima. 50% chance that her jealousy will drive her to rethink your status, otherwise she will stop leading you on and find another sucker... win:win situation!

And therein lies the perfect remedy for the "friend zone"

 

[iceeblusmurf]

i'm confused......what girl are we you talking about?

 

[Earn]

I haven't been talking about a certain person just in general.I probably should've been more specific."professorh and ivan misunderstood

 

[iceeblusmurf]

oh ok

 

[DrowningInTears]

A very torturous and hideous thing to put yourself thru. It is not healthy. If you were starving haven't eaten for weeks and had to sit at a table of delicious food, but weren't allowed to eat it, isn't that cruelty and torture. It's no different, your emotions and biology are starving and this is being dangled in front of your face, inches away, but you can't have it, can smell it and see how good it is, but cant have it. Guy friends can be just as good, and won't have this effect. I would recommend guy friends for the friend-stuff, and female friends really need to be put on the backburner or avoided altogether if they are hurting your emotional health, unless of course they decide to be your gf. Not that they've done anything wrong and you're not trying to be mean, you just must look after sanity and health and I know these things will rip them to shreds. If they get mad that you aren't wasting all you're time with them, just explain the situation.

*If theres a girl u have 0 attraction to she might count as a guy friend.

 

[Rangoon]

To answer the original question about how to avoid "The Friend Zone", I would give this piece of advice. Make your intentions clear early on that you want to be more then friends. People get stuck in the friend zone by trying to be nice all the time so the girl will like them, but you become someone totally unsexual to her, more like a girlfriend. Escalate her senses early on with touch etc and she will see you as someone to enter into a relationship with and not someone to talk about past shopping to. The guys who get the girls are usually the ones who lay it on the line early on.

However....I like having female friends, I don't see the friend zone as anything bad, infact i regret going from friend zone to romance in the past because you tend to lose the friendship eventually. Let it happen naturally and it will work out when the right girl comes along. Have faith.