I'ts too hard to type the reality of what's been happening. I used to write it down but throw it away, but it won't come out anymore. I've had to block it out cause its so painful. I hate myself for being so weak and paralysed by fear. He tells me what to say, he writes my emails, i talk to noone. im surprised ive lasted, i dont have any hope anymore and noone knows and ive wanted to tell someone for so long.