Hi all, Recently I have been attending a depression support group which has been absolutely fantastic. Talking to others though I cant help but wonder if my depression is a little different. People in my group have had truly daunting and traumatic experiances in their lives - abuse, rape, drug addiction - and I feel so awed that they are the incredibly smart and successful people they are today. Of course their experiences in the past have contributed to their depression. I, on the other hand, am extremely lucky and have not had any negetive experiences to the extreme they have had. I just want to die. I really mean it - I just really would like to die. Of course I think I do have depression - I feel down all the time - but my primary impulse is to die. Is this different? What is this? Often I feel like it is a valid option when I am presented with difficult choices in life. Should I do option A or B? Or just jump in front of this truck. Often I say to myself 'Oh, if that fails you can always just die.' Often this manifests itself in a 'magnetic' pull towards certain objects - highways, ledges, cliffs. Looking at these and imagining myself being killed by them I get an overwhelming sense of safety and, to a degree, it helps calm me. It funny - I actually feel like being crushed by a truck would be relaxing! What is this? Is this why I have been so unresponsive to depression medication? What the hell is going on? Does anyone else feel this way?