I hate my life. Everything is a mess. I am 17. I am a drop out from high school and I have depression. I am in love with my ex who I lost my virginity to and who is with someone new now, even though the reason they say they left me was because they were graduating then they just go out with someone new. I understand if they did this to not hurt me as much but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I think about her constantly. I havn't taken my pills in two days and I barely have any friends anymore. I only have one that I even see in real life now. The pain is so much I cry myself to sleep at night. I can't find anything fun to do to get my mind of things because it becomes boring within two minutes. I am withering away to nothing in this peice of shit house with no running water, a schizophrenic mom, and an angry alcoholic dad. The only thing I have left is hope that one day my dream of marrying someone I love will come true. I know I won't get over her until I find someone new, I never have managed to before and the likelyhood of that happening is near 0. I don't know what to do with myself. Every second is misery and dispare. I stopped seeing my councilor because they weren't really the right person for me and I didn't like them that much. I need a way to vent and theres never anyone to talk to online. I wish I could just commit suicide to show everyone how much I suffer and go through but I doubt I ever could. I doubt myself about everything. I doubt I will ever be happy and living seems like one big road of anguish. I need help and I don't know where to turn.